Burn It Down
by BDewitt
Summary: The odds were in no one's favor today. Johanna Mason and Gale Hawthorne are picked as the 74th Hunger Games tributes for District Twelve, leaving Katniss without either of her friends. The two spark-plugs must come together if they are going to survive the games ...and what comes after. An AU-adjacent trilogy that will ultimately end up Joniss. R&R lovelies!
1. Plucking Two Embers From The Fire

"Where'd you get the bread?" Johanna looked over at Katniss who was busy pulling apart even chunks of the large, fresh loaf of bread in her hands. Johanna looked to Gale, who shrugged.

"Probably Sae."

Katniss handed them each a piece of bread and a slice of the goat cheese Prim had provided them. Gale began spreading the cheese with his short hunting knife, handing it to Johanna to do the same. This had been their reaping ritual for three years now; go out into their woods, collect some berries and whatever food they could, and spend the day on the rock that overlooked the rest of the meadow.

"It was Mayor Undersee, actually," Katniss corrected as she shoved a piece of the warm bread in her mouth. "I went to give Madge a bit of Prim's goat's cheese and she gave me a pin and he gave me this bread."

Gale rolled his eyes and moved to get up, chewing the last of his piece of bread. His abrupt gesture made both the girls look up at him as he gathered his things. It was no secret that Gale wasn't a fan of anyone not from the Seam, but on the reaping day his feelings were more raw than usual. "I'll see you guys at the reaping. I've got to get the kids ready."

Johanna and Katniss watched him go and Johanna scooted over to sit closer to her friend as they watched the sun high up in the sky. Johanna had a large bag of game on her side as she was going to the Hob before the reaping to secure something for her younger brother. "I think it's nice that you and Madge are friends," Johanna said as she took another bite of her bread.

Katniss produced some berries from her side and popped one in her mouth, offering her palm to Johanna. "Thanks."

"I mean, once you marry her father it'll be nice for you guys to already be close since you'll be her new mom." Katniss gave Johanna a dangerous look as she placed the berries back down into the small bowl she had brought them in. Johanna knew that glint; she was in trouble. Might as well go for broke. "It'll make the family transition much easier. I don't think she'll call you mom, though."

Katniss moved swiftly and tackled Johanna, pushing her back into the grass behind the rock they were sitting on. Johanna chuckled as the other girl straddled her waist, reaching back to grab the berries. "I hate you."

Johanna smirked. "No you don't Kitten." Katniss glared at the term of address; she had always hated Johanna's nickname for her. Gale called her Catnip and Johanna had called her Kitty Kat when she was feeling particularly playful, and Kitten when she wanted to get underneath her skin.

Katniss held a berry poised above Johanna's head and Johanna nodded in understanding. "May the odds -"

She dropped the berry into Johanna's mouth and she caught it between her teeth and winked. "-Be ever in your favor." Johanna propped herself up and Katniss sat back on her calves. In spite of their joking, there was an undercurrent of sadness. Between the two of them they probably had about seventy reaping bowl entries - add Gale and they had over a hundred. Each year they three got dangerously close to being separated. "We could do it you know."

Katniss tilted her head to the side in confusion. "Do what?"

"Escape. Live out in the woods. Leave this hell hole." Katniss looked beyond Johanna toward the fence behind them. They probably could do it, she thought to herself. "If it weren't for the kids."

Katniss nodded. Johanna looked down at their bodies, connecting at the pelvis as Katniss shifted her weight to get more comfortable. Since they had lost their fathers in the mine explosion they had all three grown up closer. Katniss and Johanna had been trying to hunt for feed their families when they happened upon Gale in the woods. They became a team, a trio, each of them using their skills to bring home as much game as possible. Gale and his snares (and his bow), Katniss and her bow, Johanna and her axe. She was decent with a bow but nowhere near as good as Gale or Katniss. But she could hit the head off a bid mid-air with a hatchet.

Until Johanna's mother... Johanna and her three siblings were forced to move into the community home and she didn't see as much of Gale and Katniss as they saw of each other. It was hard to get away from the wardens in the home, especially knowing she'd leave her brother and two sisters at their mercy while she hunted. Still, she and Katniss made an effort to see each other and Johanna met she and Gale in the woods every Sunday.

They had always been close, but in the last two years, Johanna found herself getting irrationally jealous of the time Gale spent with Katniss without her. It was stupid, she knew. Even if Katniss was oblivious, it was painfully obvious to Johanna that Gale had feelings for the brunette. He still dated casually here and there, kissing behind heaps of rubble, but his heart was clearly elsewhere. In the rare moments Johanna was completely honest with herself, it was Katniss's beautiful gray eyes like the early morning fog and wry smile she rarely produced outside of the times they hunted together that drew her in and kept her there. However with three little ones to look after there was no time to go chasing fog.

Unfortunately, so was Johanna's. Even now, on the day of the reaping that could spell death for either one of them, she found herself struggling to control her libido as Katniss's body pressed warmly above her own. "It's Prim's first year."

Johanna sobered quickly and looked into Katniss's eyes. "Katniss, she won't get reaped. It's her first year and she has one entry." Prim was just one year older than Johanna's little brother John, twelve and fresh to the reaping this year. "The odds are against her, fortunately enough." Katniss seemed slightly mollified by this. But the open meadow seemed to get farther and farther away as they sat together.

* * *

><p>The day of the reapings are probably the most significant for each district in terms of coloring their individual personalities. Johanna remembered watching the television in the square as the kids in 1 all clamored to volunteer, nearly tearing each others throats out to get up to that podium. The wasted looking children in 6 with their hollow eyes and gaunt cheeks. The sturdy looking kids from 7 who would nearly every year end up looking like a tree. And then there they were in 12: dressed in overalls and miner's caps in the parade and looking like a sad flotilla of poverty in the reaping.<p>

Johanna knew that every year her chances were greater and greater. Being one of the many kids in the community home meant taking out extra tesserae every year. By seventeen, she figured her name was in there thirty-seven times. It was only of many days she would wonder how her life would be different had her father not been killed in that mine explosion. Surely they would have needed tesserae, too. Her two little sisters and little brother needed food. The oldest was too young to be reaped yet anyway, so Johanna would've bore the burden then just as she did now.

Walking through the Hob she managed to pull off the greatest trade she'd ever done: three squirrels, a turkey, and a large sack of medicinal herbs for a small hatchet and a bow and quiver. Weapons are strictly forbidden unless carried by a Peacekeeper, but Johanna knew her days as the hunting member of her small pack were coming to an end. In case she got reaped next year one of the little ones needed to learn how to hunt. The bow and quiver are pretty tame, small. Nothing like what the real black market hunters have, but it'd do.

Quickly Johanna made her way back to the home, bustling through the kids in their hand-me-down dresses and dress shirts and pants toward the cots where she and her family slept. They were still in various states of undress as Johanna plunged the weapons into a bag and shoved it far beneath her bed. John waited impatiently as his little sister Celadine straightened the buttons on his shirt. The littlest one, Aurelia, sits on the bed, playing with the soft cotton dolls Johanna had traded nearly a pound of grain to acquire. They won't be roped in like cattle for the reaping, but they will be required to stand off-sides with the other orphan kids, watching the solemn events unfold.

"'Hanna what did you put under the bed?" Aurelia asked loudly in her high-pitched voice, bouncing blonde curls framing her angelic face. Johanna could remember vividly the day she was born: a humid, warm spring day with the most beautiful sun's rays coming through the clouds. That, coupled with her sprouts of blonde hair like their mother's got her the name, meaning gold.

"Nothing Aurey." Used to be being brushed off she nodded and continued stroking the hair of the doll in her tiny hands. Johanna grabbed her brother by the shoulder and directed him to a far corner. There was no privacy in this giant room, but the corner was less densely populated than the rest of the home. Most of the kids were making their way to the reaping anyhow. "John, listen." Johanna stared into his matching set of wide brown eyes as they fill with a sense of foreboding. Only eleven he had the marks of a young man: a sturdy jaw, large hands, a stern look on his face. He looked so much like their father it nearly always sent a pain through her heart to see him becoming a man.

"Johanna I know the routine. Could be this year, could be next, gotta be prepared." He smiled patiently at her. "I understand."

Johanna rolled her eyes at him, ruffling his unruly mop of black hair with her hand. "I know you know, little man. I'm telling you something else." Her eyes darted to the sides, her voice lowered to a whisper. "I left you a bow and set of arrows under the bed. I know daddy taught you the axe, but the bow is cleaner."

John furrowed his brows, drumming his fingers on his thighs as he did when he was deep in thought. "Who's going to teach me if you get reaped?" Johanna smirked. He was always practical.

"Katniss. The one with the pretty blonde sister you like." Johanna stuck her tongue in her cheek as John blushed a little.

The triangle agreement between the three of them remained in tact, even after Johanna's mother had... Well, after she and her siblings got put into the home as orphans. Though Johanna considered herself lucky; Katniss and Gale hung on to their mothers for dear life. The community home was no place for kids anyway. The wardens and their steel hands and eyes everywhere, looking for an excuse to lay down a smacking. For Johanna those smackdowns came pretty frequently, especially with her being the eldest of all of them. Only a few other teenagers her age were there, and none with her big mouth. She couldn't imagine Katniss there, or little Primrose or Posy.

"Look for her after the reaping and tell her that she's to teach you how to hunt. Understood?" John nodded and Johanna smiled, straightening her posture. She smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress and attempted to look braver than she felt. "Grab the girls and let's go."

* * *

><p>In spite of their situation, Johanna felt lucky to have her brother and sisters. Though she missed her parents with all her heart, it was just as hard to be someone like Katniss with the stoic mother and helpless sister. John was a solid boy, smart and intuitive. Celadine was frivolous but fortunately blessed with some extraordinary good looks for a young girl; she'd marry well. Primrose was like a fragile little bird that Johanna had watched Katniss protect and feed even at the cost of her own stomach.<p>

When she found Katniss in the reaping audience, she was making eye contact with Gale from across the alley that separates the boys and girls. A shiny gold pin was affixed to her pale blue dress that caught the glint of the mid-afternoon sun and made it look aflame. Johanna stared at it while the Mayor spoke about the history of Panem, the reason for the hunger games. It never escaped her that the reason for the hunger games was to keep the districts in constant fear. This was not reverence to the Capitol; it was fear and the resignation of a tired, dirty nation. She and Gale would talk about it in the woods while Katniss kept quiet. She had more patience for the Capitol's bullshit than they did.

Effie Trinket, the effervescent and obnoxious escort of the last few years approached the podium and smiled at the audience. She did her usual spiel, the odds, the introduction, the words, the meaningless and prissy things she says. "Ladies first!" she cried as she dipped her long, painted fingernails into the bowl. Johanna looked at her own fingernails, only a very thin layer of grime today. She hadn't had time to wash up between securing the bow and the reaping. _Oh well._

It was the name, sung out as clear as a bird song that jerked Johanna from her reverie. "Primrose Everdeen!" A series of whispers and shock rippled through them. Not Prim, they must think, she's too young. She's one year ahead of John, twelve. Her first year. She thought of Prim without Katniss; starving as the goat she loves whittles away to nothing. Their useless mother pining over the loss of two pairs of gray eyes. Gale desperately trying to keep them all alive and being whipped at the post for hunting. Or worse, being killed for it and having now four young kids and two mothers with no caregiver.

She thought of Katniss watching her little sister die in the games. Watching this sweet girl get morphed into a killer and being cut down by the hand of some angry tributes. She would never kill anything. She'd hide and probably die of starvation. A fate worse than a knife to the throat.

Johanna heard her voice and her body moved before her mind could do anything. Even in her fear, she ensured her voice cut out and rang truer, clearer than Effie's affected accent. "I volunteer as tribute." She stepped out from the crowd, immediately seized by Peacekeepers.

"Lovely!" Effie Trinket clapped her hands and mumbled something stupid about there being protocol to follow, but Johanna couldn't hear her. She couldn't hear anything but the strangled cries of her own sisters. They have to understand. They have to understand that John can keep them alive. That Gale and Katniss will help. That something deep within her veins forced this decision from her.

Johanna stepped up on to the stage, unable to look anywhere but blankly out into the crowd. Tears blurred her vision as she took in the blue and white and brown blobs in the audience. "What's your name, dear?"

"Johanna Mason," she heard herself say, a voice not her own. It's hollow and meaningless. Just like her life is now. She'll never see John take a wife or Celadine make a beautiful bride. She'll never see them in the few happy moments they're allowed in 12.

Effie said something about a round of applause but no one clapped. No one dared even speak. Johanna watched the shift in the audience and then she saw her. Katniss. She pressed three fingers to her lips, then raised them up in the salute. The traditional good-bye of their district. Johanna couldn't tell from how far away she was standing, but it looked like Katniss is crying as Prim sobbed into her dress.

But that was not what broke her. It's the next name called. It shouldn't have been a surprise, the odds were in no one's favor today. "Gale Hawthorne." Johanna heard the cry of Posy standing offsides with Hazelle, who began shedding silent tears for her boy. Her eldest. The closest thing she had to her husband. The sole caregiver for them.

Johanna's stomach sunk. What has she done? Katniss can't possibly care for them all. She'll be busy keeping the Hawthornes in food to look after Johanna's siblings. Immediately she was overcome with the need to take it back. She wanted to take it back, let Katniss or Prim stand here. Let one of them have to potentially seize the life of Gale.

They shook hands, eyes locked. He seemed to be trying to say something with his eyes, but all Johanna could think was how long they'd known each other, since they both could toddle, and how she'd seen him take down a wild turkey at a hundred yards with nothing but a simple bow and arrow. Will we kill each other? she thought. They were escorted into the Justice Building and Johanna sat in the most extravagant room she'd ever seen. The fabric was smooth but also kind of coarse when rubbed the wrong way. The movement of the fibers fascinated her until finally John, Celadine and Aurelia bursted through the doors. Aurelia climbed into her lap, sobbing hard into Johanna's dress. It was a hand-me-down of her mother's, one of the only she had left. They possessed so few things of their parents'. Most of her mother's things Johanna had sold for food. Most of her father's things she had bequeathed to John. This dress she kept for reapings. Fitting now that she would wear her mother's dress to her own suicide mission.

She heard herself giving them instructions: they are not to take out tesserae. John may take out one every other year if he chooses. He is to train hunting with Katniss and Cela is to begin helping Mrs. Everdeen with her apothecary business, for free. For the experience. Aurelia is to be kept protected from the lecherous guards in the home.

"You could win," John stated softly, his unwavering gaze reddened, but still as thoroughly stoic as he was. "You're a great hunter and you're sly. You could trick them."

Johanna mused on this. She hadn't really thought about winning. Volunteering was essentially a death sentence. A Peacekeeper informed them that their time was up and Johanna sighed as she hugged them good-bye. She tried to remember their smells - Aurelia of baby powder, Celadine of the wildflower she was named for, and John of wood and smoke. "Try to win," Celadine said in the soft, timid way she says everything. A voice as soft and innocent as she is. "Please try, 'Hanna. Please."

"I'll try. I promise." After the door closed behind them, Johanna sat back down on the weird fabric-covered chair and buried her face in her hands. How long had it been since she was bagging that wild turkey in the morning? Only a few hours. Only days since she and the others had celebrated Celadine's eight birthday. The door opened again and Johanna was surprised to see the girl walk in.

Katniss. Every girl looks pretty on the day of the reaping, but Katniss's beautiful brown hair spun into the braid, her gray eyes sparkling in the sun that's coming through the window, she looked like a vision. Her eyes were reddened with a puffiness beneath her lids that let out the secret that she'd been crying. Probably just said good-bye to Gale. "They let you wear something into the arena. A token from the district." She unhooked the pin from her dress and handed it to Johanna. She stopped short, deciding instead to pin it to Johanna. They were unbearably close, as Johanna could hear Katniss's heart beat and smell her, a mix of lavender and the outdoors.

"Thanks." Johanna looked up with a bemused smile. "I'm sure you're not going to wish me good luck. Not with Hawthorne a door away."

Katniss looked painfully toward the door, then settled her gaze on Johanna again. "I don't like owing people. But thank you." The way she said this, slowly, is like she doesn't understand how to give gratitude. Johanna knew she didn't know, not really. That's why people around the Hob tolerated her, but they genuinely enjoyed Prim. Katniss could be prickly.

"We'll be even as long as you help out my kids." Katniss's eyes briefly registered confusion. "Not actual kids, brainless. My brother and my sisters. Teach John how to use the bow. He's a fast learner." Johanna smiled mildly. "He's fond of your sister."

Katniss smiled back, showing the cute dimple she gets when she smiles for the second time that day. "I noticed."

"My sister Celly can help your mom in the apothecary. Learn from her. And Aurelia..she's...she's only four." Johanna swallowed the lump in her throat and leveled her gaze at the girl in front of her. "Don't let them do anything to her."

Suddenly she was wrapped in a hug she never expected. Katniss's lips found her ear through her hair. "If it has to be someone, let it be one of you. One of you has to come back to me."

Johanna pulled away hoping Katniss didn't feel the shudder of her body as she whispered in her ear. Katniss's hand was on her cheek, a rare show of affection from the reserved girl. Johanna felt at once privileged and devastated to be on the end of that affection. Within days she'd be dead. Hopefully Gale would come home, use his winnings to take care of all of them just like they promised. In the few seconds they stared into each other's eyes, Johanna entertained the notion that she would win. Someone else would take out Gale, and maybe she could just wait around until the tributes took care of themselves. Worked for the morphlings in 6 every so often.

When she'd come back, she'd make sure Hazelle and her family were taken care of even if she tried to refuse the help. Though she wouldn't refuse; it was proud Gale who refused assistance. And Katniss... well, it's not like two women together were frowned upon. Times being what they were, a relationship that produced two working members and no children was not going to be struck down. It wasn't common, but it happened.

Katniss's eyes took on an intensity that Johanna had never seen. Her heart palpitated in her chest as she stupidly thought she was in for a kiss. Instead Katniss just ran her fingers through Johanna's hair. "Try to make a weapon. Don't go for the Cornucopia." Johanna knew of the bloodbaths that took place on the first day when they put a cornucopia in the center of the arena. It became so wildly popular that the Capitol had done it for at least five years now. "Protect each other."

That's what they always swore to do. Before Johanna was forced on the periphery of their friendship, before she had to watch Gale and Katniss get closer over the years as she receded back into her family. The swift knock on the door made Katniss's face fall and Johanna found it within her to smirk. "What, no big kiss good-bye?" Katniss's eyes looked up at her with amusement, the faint scattering of a blush on her cheeks. That was always something she loved about her: the purity. When Johanna and Gale would strip down their clothes and jump into the lake, Katniss would keep on her skivvies. Johanna took great pleasure in teasing her and Gale would watch, mildly entertained.

In spite of that purity, she was still capable of a few surprising moments. "How about when you get back?"

Johanna snorted as the Peacekeeper came in with a gruff "Time's up!" and took Johanna by the arm. "Oh my stars, now I have something to live for! A kiss from Katniss Everdeen!" Johanna said dramatically as she was ushered out the door. But something in her eyes, something she knew Katniss had seen by the way her smile had fallen, conveyed her seriousness.

_I want to come back. I want that kiss._


	2. The Fiery Tributes from District Twelve

Johanna had only ridden in a car once, on the trip from her house to the community home with her siblings. Her baby sister was only two at the time, fussing and crying, disoriented from how quickly they moved. Now, on her way to the train station, she was reminded of that terrible day and how awful she had felt. The lingering sense of helplessness coupled with the rise of determination inside her. Similar to how she felt as the insect cameras from the Capitol swarmed she and Gale.

She felt gratified to look at him and see that he looked as she did, completely unmoved. Part of growing up impoverished and independent meant wiping your emotions clean off your face. Don't let the haggler at the Hob know that your family is starving. Don't let him see your tears as he makes fun of you for your mother's inability to cope or raise her children. But keep his ugly, snaggletoothed face in your mind as you take down wild turkeys on the edge of the meadow.

The train surged forward and both Johanna and Gale had to catch their breath as 12 disappeared into the distance. They became swallowed in darkness as the train moved underground. An attendant took Gale by the arm and began ushering him toward his room. Effie Trinket took Johanna, showing her the temporary bedroom. "You can wear whatever you want, eat whatever you want, do whatever you want. As long as you don't try to jump off the train!" Her bubbly smile had a hint of oddness to it, as if someone had tried that before. Foolish thinking, you're going to die anyway. "I will come and collect you at six sharp for supper."

"Okay." Her voice still sounded hollow, detached, like she was hearing it mechanically reproduced by jabberjays.

Effie stopped short in the doorway, turning around to face Johanna as the younger girl sat on the edge of her bed, staring blankly at the wall. "Johanna, may I ask you a question?" Johanna nodded. "Who was that young girl you for whom volunteered?"

"My best friend's little sister."

"Don't you yourself have siblings? I could've swore I saw some little ones coming out of your parting room in the Justice Center."

"Yes. I have three. But you didn't pick their names." Johanna's brown eyes moved slowly across the wall to the doorway where Effie stood guiltily. "You picked hers." Effie pursed her lips tightly together and nodded her head once, leaving the room and closing it gently behind her. Johanna stripped out of her clothes and headed to the bathroom. The shower was confusing; there were a lot of buttons and spigots Johanna could barely make sense of. Eventually she made warm water come out of the showerhead and she stepped into the bath, soaking herself in the warmth. There was no such thing as hot showers in the Seam or in the community home.

She dressed herself in a black t-shirt and pants, sitting back down on her bed where her clothes were still laying. That dumb reaping dress that itched in all the most inconvenient places. She unhooked the pin Katniss had given her, examining the little bird. It was a mockingjay. Johanna laid back on her mattress, letting her feet and calves dangle off the edge as she palmed the small pin. She affixed it to the belt loop of her jeans. Johanna remembered Katniss's father being fond of the mockingjays, a trait he shared with his daughter. After he died Katniss didn't sing to them anymore. Only once, late at night, when she and Johanna had snuck off to try their hand at the night hunting. (It didn't go well, they could barely see and almost got attack by a lynx.) Mockingjays had settled above them, flapping their wings and rustling the rapidly decaying leaves.

Johanna had been dozing off, her head on Katniss's shoulder as they sat beneath the tree for a rest. Katniss began humming an old 12 tune Johanna had recognized from her youth. When she stopped the mockingjays paused, as if contemplating if she deserved to be repeated. She was, evidently, as they sung the verses back in low chirps, clear as a bell in the night. Johanna fell asleep on her that night, listening to she and the mockingjays trade verses of a beautiful, haunting folk song. It was just one moment in a line long of moments of their youth when Johanna caught a glimpse of what love was.

Effie came and collected her for supper, where she instinctively sat down next to Gale. Effie looked confused at their closeness, but it let roll off her like water on a duck. Johanna almost envied her placid outlook on life. "Where's Haymitch?"

Gale shrugged. "He said something about taking a nap."

Johanna smirked at how relieved Effie looked at Haymitch's absence. After he had practically molested her in front of the Capitol, it was no wonder she didn't want to sit with him. Johanna imagined his table manners would not be up to Trinket standards anyhow. The carrot soup was brought first, a rich, creamy, brightly colored soup that mirrored Effie's outrageous hair. The courses kept coming and despite their stomachs being small from poverty, she and Gale managed to get through all four courses and even to dessert without throwing up. Johanna sat back, her hand on her distended belly as Gale poked her and let out a small laugh. "I think your eyes are bigger than your stomach, Jo."

Johanna smacked him on the arm and then looked down at her small stomach, protruding slightly in her tight fitting shirt. "Not today. Today my stomach is most definitely bigger than my eyes. Not all of us pride ourselves on our washboard abs."

Effie looked mildly amused at them as she led them into the next compartment, which was even plusher and more expensive than their rooms. The "viewing room" as Effie called it was where they would watch the recap of all the reapings. Effie looked downright confused as the two of them began commenting in between each contestant.

District 1 was a smaller girl, well-fed but not particularly big. Johanna looked at Gale knowingly. "Knives or bows, she's too small for swords." The boy was not big, a brown-haired kid with decent upper arms. "Maybe spears?"

He nodded and they watched District 2. A small, mousy girl with a pair of wide brown eyes and a mocking pout. "Definitely knives," Gale said. The hulking boy who volunteered thundered on to the stage amidst applause, and most tellingly, a look of admiration from the girl. "He could swing anything, wow. Look at him. Swords, tridents? He's gonna be tough."

"Look at how she's looking at him. They know each other. Could be helpful." They exchanged a look. _We know each other_. They watched the rest of the recaps, nothing too outstanding until they got to 11 with the tiny girl just a hair taller than Prim. Beautiful darkened skin and wide brown eyes that looked like they could swallow the world. Neither of them spoke.

Their reapings are edited perfectly. Johanna watched herself step forward; they cut to the horrified faces of her sisters and the almost proud look on John's face. Johanna wanted to touch the screen, cup her brother's still smooth face and touch him. Gale put his hand on her knee and squeezed it tightly. He gets reaped, they shake hands. Cut.

"We don't look like we know each other," he whispered, as if it were a secret from Effie.

"Good. They can't use us against one another if they don't know we're not trying to kill each other." Small victories was all they could afford their whole lives, and it extended even beyond the fences of 12. "Haymitch looked wonderful."

The tributes exchanged a laugh, shaking their heads at their drunk, obnoxious mentor. Effie looked particularly offended at Johanna's joke and stood up, smoothing out her skirt as she did so. "Laugh away." She looked down at their amused expressions as Haymitch burst in the door, stumbling into the room. "He is your life line. He is your connection to the outside world. The only thing keeping you from life and death. So I'm glad you find this all so very entertaining."

Haymitch promptly threw up on the carpet and slipped in his own sick, falling face first on to the ground. Gale and Johanna shared a look and lifted him from the carpet, dragging him through the train cars back to his compartment. They shoved him in the bathtub and turned the water on, spraying his messy, smelling form with cold water.

"We can get someone to take care of him. No shortage of idiots on this train." Gale looked at Johanna, then back down to Haymitch's pathetic body and nodded. She knew exactly what Gale was thinking. A benefit of being hunting partners and growing up closely meant she could gauge him and his moods quickly. At that moment they were sharing the same thought: We don't need him if we have each other.

* * *

><p>Johanna and Gale sat quietly at the table the following morning, digging into their plate of eggs and ham across from one another, the latter of which Johanna had never tasted before. The meat was so salty, the edge of it so sweet, Johanna kept rolling her eyes in pleasure and getting nudged by Gale. Haymitch sat down after about an hour of their overeating, sipping on a ruby red glass of wine. Johanna had never seen wine except on the televised parties of the Capitol. Haymitch was drinking it like water.<p>

"So you're our mentor. You're supposed to give us advice," Johanna finally said, placing her fork and knife down on the table. "Out with it, then."

"Here's some advice," he toasted, raising his glass. "Stay alive." Johanna looked over at Gale as he very calmly placed down his fork and knife. This played out like they had done in the woods a million times. If they spotted prey before the other they would pause in their movements, following each other's eyes. They got very good at anticipating not just the actions of the prey, but of each other. Johanna quickly stood and grabbed Haymitch behind the arms as Gale pulled back and punched him clear across the face.

"That's real funny, but not to us." Johanna let Haymitch go and he sat back into his chair, chuckling and holding his lip. Gale and Johanna stayed standing, ready to fight back if he came at them. But he didn't.

"Not only did a get a pair of fighters, but an actual team? You guys dating or something?"

"No!" They both responded in heated unison, causing Haymitch to raise his eyebrow. Johanna growled in exasperation and slammed the knife down on the table, pinning Haymitch's sleeve to the wood. "Look. We need your help. And you probably want to survive so you can drink more, right? Help us and we won't fucking kill you right now."

Haymitch picked up the knife and placed it next to his plate, standing up from his chair. "Stand together." Gale walked around the table to stand shoulder to shoulder with Johanna. As close to shoulder to shoulder as he could, him having about a foot of height on her. "Seem fit. Good reflexes. Attractive enough. And more so once the Capitol gets through with you." Off Johanna's sneer Haymitch shook his head. "None of that. You do what they say."

"But -"

"Don't resist. They know what they're doing. If you two promise not to interfere with my drinking, I will stay sober enough to help you." Johanna could feel the hum of Gale's muscles tensing next to her but he nodded his head once, curtly. She did the same and Haymitch smiled at them. "I'll see you after they remake you." With that he disappeared back into his compartment with a bottle of wine, leaving Gale, Johanna and Effie alone in the dining car.

Effie's nervous eyes finally looked relaxed as Haymitch left. Johanna could see bare traces of pride in her eyes. "I think you two have a real shot. Haymitch barely talked to the last few tributes."

Gale shook his head and grabbed a roll from the table. "Yeah, great. Maybe that's why our kids never come home." He looked over at Johanna. "I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

><p>Johanna winced as the last trace of hair on her body was ripped from her skin. She didn't have much hair to begin with, but they insisted on plucking her like a chicken about to be laid to roast. She shivered in the new cold, watching as the team of brightly colored people pecked at her with their tweezers, their high and affected accents grating her ear drums.<p>

They left in a flourish, retrieving the head stylist Cinna from another room. He walked in, and Johanna first noticed that he did not have that same vanilla and peach smell of the prep team. His eyes were green with flecks of gold, highlighted by a light shade of gold eyeliner. His skin was flawless and dark, almost shimmering without the help of his glitter. Johanna stood with her arms akimbo, waiting for him to stop circling her like a vulture.

"Hello Johanna. I'm Cinna, your stylist."

"I figured."

He smirked at her, handing her the robe from the hook on the wall. "Go ahead and put the robe on. Let's sit down and chat." He led her into a large room with a spectacular view of the Capitol. Before sitting down Johanna went to the window, pressing her hands against the glass. She and Gale had missed the entrance to the Capitol on the train in favor of brooding in their rooms. It was truly a sight to behold, if a little ...manufactured. The colors all seemed too bright, like sticks of candy in a sweet shop.

The food emerged from a wall with a touch of a button and Johanna made her way to the seating area, indulging herself in the sumptuous plum and lamb stew that had popped out in front of her. Guiltily she thought back to her brother and sisters, probably forcing down a flourless roll and some mice meat that Greasy Sae would've put aside for them. In absence of Johanna she knew the woman would probably help them out. She always really liked John. People tolerated Johanna, but John they liked. Kind of like Prim and Katniss, and Posy and Gale. Katniss loved lamb stew. She had probably never eaten a plum but she would've loved this dish. Johanna's heart began to hurt again.

"So, Johanna, the customary thing is to dress you in outfits that reflect the flavor of your district. Typically Twelve has been dressed in coal miner's outfits."

"With fancy headlamps, don't forget," Johanna joked, digging her fork into her chicken. Guilt or not, her newly expanded stomach was aching for food. She remembered the poor tributes that had come before her, covered in soot or practically naked beneath stylized jean overalls. Each year they looked ridiculous, yet another reason to pile on top of the mounting heap of reasons Twelve only had two victors in their history.

Cinna smiled and nodded. "My partner Portia and I have decided on complementary outfits for you both."

Johanna smirked. "I don't think Gale will be too excited about putting on another coal miner's outfit again."

Cinna chuckled and shook his head. "No, we think that's a bit overdone. For you both we were thinking of something derivative of coal. Fire. Something to show off a little more than just the drab overalls and headlamps. We want you to be memorable. That's what keeps you alive."

Johanna raised an eyebrow. "And what keeps you in a job."

His dark eyes twinkled with delight as she sat back in his chair, chuckling and giving her an appreciative nod. "Very true, Johanna. Very true."

* * *

><p>Without a mirror to appraise herself, Johanna had to go off of the reactions of everyone around her. They had teased her hair and put in it something that the stylists called a "faux-hawk" which evidently was a feminine version of a mohawk, where the hair stands up in the middle of your head. The black unitard stuck to every inch of her skin, tucked into high-heeled black boots that she had only tripped in once getting to the underground corral for the introductions. Her face had minimal make-up, just a fierce line of eyeliner around her eyes and a smokey gray color on her eyelids, a dash of red on her lips.<p>

Gale stood inside the chariot, his intense gray eyes fixated out toward the exit where the District 1 tributes were already entering to the delight of the crowd. Johanna ignored the oohs and ahs of the stylists as she climbed into the chariot, appraising Gale's appearance. His normally sooty face was completely clean and freshly shaven. His hair was spiked upward, giving him a slightly menacing appearance. His suit gripped his muscles, the cape falling almost naturally down his back.

If Gale won, Katniss would be in a long line of women clamoring for his attention. "You clean up pretty well, Hawthorne. No wonder you're the most popular boy behind the scrap heap."

Gale rolled his eyes and nudged her, giving her an up-and-down. "You look downright frightening. Did they dye your hair?"

Johanna shrugged. "Did they? I haven't seen a mirror. Is it still black?"

Gale nodded as Cinna approached them with a big grin on his face. "Yeah, it's just got some red streaks in it."

Cinna looked relieved as the capes behind them lit on fire, sending a tingling sensation down their backs. "Hold hands!" He yelled to them as their onyx horses trotted out into the arena. With a shrug Johanna took Gale's strong hand in hers, gripping it tightly. As they emerged into the arena, the screams for them grew louder. Johanna's wide eyes drank in the sight of the pulsing crowd, moving almost like a large crowd of insects. Very bright, very loud insects.

Johanna caught their appearance on the giant screen and couldn't help the smug grin on her face. They looked fabulous. Faces free of a lot of make-up, but still dark enough to be menacing, they looked like giant asteroids streaming through space. Dark and foreboding, sending a trail of fire in their wake. The red streaks in her hair give her a kind of deadly appeal, and only on the large screen did she see the matching red rose in Gale's lapel.

As they rounded the front, she caught the pale eyes of the President. President Snow. He was a thinner man with white hair and a closely cropped white beard. Through all Johanna's life President Snow had always looked the same. Everyone in the Capitol seemed to not age but he especially looked unaffected by his advanced age. It made Johanna sick in her stomach.

The feeling was wiped away as the crowd began tossing roses at them and blowing kisses. She and Gale had somehow telepathically decided on the same strategy: hard to get. They didn't respond to the admiration, they simply looked above it. Cinna had done it, though. Truly nobody would forget the tributes from District Twelve: they were on fire. She heard Caesar's voice thundering above them:

"The fiery tributes from District Twelve!"

* * *

><p>The next few days seemed like a blur. Meetings with the now cordial Effie and Haymitch, days in the training center avoiding the archery, wrestling and axes. Nights of crying alone in the large room, caught between wishing to be home and wishing to already be dead. Nights kept up thinking if Katniss was somehow looking out her window, too, wishing that they'd come home. Selfishly, of course, Johanna wished that Katniss wanted <em>her <em>to come home.

The day of the presentation for the Gamemakers came almost without warning. The boys from the district went first, and after around an hour Johanna was left alone in the waiting room. Gale was shaking his head, his cheeks red with anger as they passed each other on her way into the room. When she got in there and looked at all the weapons, she saw why. Nobody was paying attention. This was probably also why 12 never had a victor. The Capitol attention span was too small.

Angrily Johanna grabbed an axe, twirling it over her head and masterfully cutting down every dummy there. After wiping sweat from her brow she looked up to see only a few of the Gamemakers nodding approvingly. Everyone else was open-mouthed gaping at a roast pig they had brought into the room. Johanna stormed over to the bow and arrows, picking up one that looked similar to the bow of Katniss's that she would borrow from time to time. She quickly loaded an arrow on it and aimed it up high. The string was tighter than she was accustomed to but hey, if she missed and hit a Gamemaker, maybe they'd just kill her right there.

She let the arrow fly and it pierced the apple in the mouth of the roast pig, frightening the Gamemakers and causing one white-haired man to fall into the punch. Johanna tossed the bow onto the ground and mockingly bowed. "Thank you for your consideration."

* * *

><p>After Johanna's theatrics had earned her an eleven - a target, as Gale had described it - Haymitch decided that instead of coaching them together, he'd coach them separately. They had nothing to hide from one another - they knew each other inside and out - but he had insisted it was for their benefit. Effie's coaching on presentation and high-heel walking went ...okay. Johanna didn't trip as much as she thought she would, but Effie's insistence that she act "like a lady" had only prompted Johanna to shed her dress and sit in front of Effie in a shimmering white slip, which she also wore to her lunch. Why present herself as anything but a vicious killer? Effie mumbled a few things about it being "the best she could do" and stormed out of the room.<p>

Haymitch sat back in his chair when Johanna sat across from him, sipping a small glass of wine. "Johanna I think I have the approach I want to use for you, but I need you to answer me one question. And I need you to be honest." Johanna raised her eyebrow in question but assented with a nod of her head. "Why did you volunteer for your friend's little sister?"

Johanna tilted her head ever so slightly to the right as she appraised the man in front of her. What had Gale said? Did her divulge the dynamic between the three of them? The first answer was because Prim was too young, too gentle to be reaped and Johanna's heart bled for her. The second answer, the real answer, was that she was in love with Katniss and didn't want to see her hurt.

"I didn't want to see her get hurt." Innocuous enough. Haymitch didn't seem satisfied as he took another long sip from his chalice and placed it down on the table next to him.

Haymtich clasped his hands in front of him, rubbing the toughened skin together a few times before pressing his fingers to his lips. "I know you don't trust me. Hell, I can see how openly you despise me." Johanna darted her glance to the floor. "But that's fine. You don't have to like me. I really am going to try and help get one of you out of there alive. So I need you to be as frank as possible with me so I know as much as there is to know. Your angle for the interviews seems clear - everyone can see how angry you are. The fire was a nice touch. However, I need to know there's something softer beneath this hard shell you have put up. There has to be someone back home, your siblings, a boyfriend, _something_ that I can use."

Immediately Johanna felt her brain become flooded with Katniss. The sound of her laughter, the gray of her eyes, the dark brown of her hair, the curl of her fingers around a bow string. That... that was a part of her that she didn't want to share. The part of her that lay deep in the woods underneath the canopy of a tree, listening to Katniss sing to the mockingjays. The Capitol couldn't have her. Katniss was hope.

"I volunteered for Prim because she's basically my own little sister. I consider her family. Her, Katniss, Gale, Posy, all our kids. We're all family in the Seam. And that's what you do for family. You sacrifice. You fight."

Haymitch finally looked satisfied at her answer. "Good. Remember that in your interview. They will ask you about that little girl, who she is to you. Just tell them what you told me." He put the glass to his lips and grinned. "We're done." Johanna got up from the chair and went to the door. "Oh and sweetheart?" Johanna raised an eyebrow as she looked at him over her shoulder. "Try to smile."

* * *

><p>The interviews felt much longer than they were. The kids from 1 and 2 typically dazzled in their shimmering costumes but their personalities were dull. She and Gale kept mental notes of their supposed strategies, eliminating people that would not be a threat. Essentially they had decided that no one except the four Careers would be an issue. The tributes from 4 weren't strong, the one kid from 10 had a bum leg, and 11... The little girl, Rue, would be lucky to survive the first few minutes. Thresh, the boy from her district, was a hulking ox. But he was quiet and intense and Gale had whispered, "He's a threat."<p>

Johanna was called for her interview before Gale, walking down the steps forward Caesar Flickerman. His powder blue wig matched his powder blue lips, which complemented his powder blue suit. Johanna was certain she would never get used to seeing all these men and women made up in these ridiculous wigs and costumes. Back home even a small tin of lip balm would cost you at least four or five squirrels. Probably some fresh fruit, too.

As she stepped on the stage and greeted Caesar she realized quickly she wasn't afraid of them. Johanna looked out into the crowd of shiny, plastic faces and knew that impressing them would be easier than impressing anyone back home. That was the challenge. Her eyes found Haymitch's and he raised his flask a little from his chest and she sucked in a deep breath.

"So Johanna Mason, you've come a long way from District Twelve. What's impressed you most since you've gotten here?"

_The way everyone is so fucking fake_. Johanna pondered that for a moment and came up with the most honest answer that didn't make her look like a hostile person. She thought of the delicious meals that popped out of the wall. "The food."

Caesar laughed cordially, nodding his head. "Any particular fare?"

Her eyes found the camera on her and she looked into it. "The plum and lamb stew." _Katniss, you would have loved it_.

"Oh I eat that by the bucketful!" he gushed, looking out at the crowd. "It doesn't show, does it?" he asked, holding his stomach. The crowd answered their objection and everyone had a nice laugh. Johanna managed to put on the friendliest smile she could. _I want to axe you all in the face._ "Now Johanna, that costume you wore. I swear my heart stopped. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking Cinna was crazy lighting us on fire." Everyone laughed and Johanna chuckled as she looked out at them. "But no, it's brilliant. Cinna's brilliant. I mean, look at what I'm wearing tonight." Johanna stood, twirling her dress back and forth and tilting her head at the small sparks that seemed to edge the bottom. Her eyes met Cinna's as he moved his finger in a circle. Johanna twirled, the bottom of the dress becoming engulfed in flames. Johanna spun until she was dizzy, using Caesar's arm to help put her back in the chair.

The mood quieted down some and Caesar's pale blue lips set into a line. "Now take us back to the reaping. You volunteered for that little girl. How do you know her?"

Johanna swallowed. This was it. This was her chance to show the Capitol the girl beneath the flames. "She's my best friend's little sister. Her name is Primrose. She's only twelve."

The crowd murmured their displeasure, ironically considering they are the reason she was chosen in the first place. Caesar tut-tutted under his breath. "Did she say anything to you? After the reaping?"

Johanna shook her head. "No. I said goodbye to my own siblings. John, Cela and Aurey. But Prim might as well be my sister too." Her eyes moved from the camera to Caesar. "In the Seam, there's not much cause for happiness, you know. So wherever you find it, you have to hold on to it. Her sister, Katniss, she's my best friend. I wouldn't want any pain to come to her. We've all suffered so much already. So this is my way... this is my way of protecting them both."

The buzzer went off and the crowd booed a little, but Caesar smiled and waved them off. "Hopefully we'll see plenty more of Johanna Mason, tribute from District Twelve. Thank you, Johanna."

Johanna went back to her seat as they called up Gale. It hadn't occurred to her what Gale's angle would be. If anyone was angrier than she was, it was him. While his suit didn't go up in flames like her dress, when he moved as he spoke you could see it shimmer like candlelight. He looked more handsome than normal with the very small dash of eyeliner under his lids and his crisp black suit cut to his form. The anger that boils just below his skin was absent, instead he was affable, almost kind. He was similar to the Gale that Johanna had seen in the woods. The only times she had ever really seen him smile.

They got to the topic of girlfriends, and Gale became a little more withdrawn. "Handsome lad like you, there must be a girl back home."

Gale bit his lip. "Well, there's this one girl. I've had a crush on her longer than I can remember."

_Traitor_, Johanna thought. She hadn't told Haymitch about Katniss to keep her safe. To keep her locked away in her heart. But here Gale was, parading his love of Katniss to the world to see. If he won, they'd surely be married as soon as Katniss was eighteen. Johanna had been so inside her own head that she forgot to think maybe Katniss had made that promise of a kiss to them both.

"Here's what you do. You win, then you go home and she can't turn you down," Caesar said encouragingly, shaking Gale's knee with his hand.

Gale pursed his lips and shook his head. "Winning is not going to help in my case." Johanna squinted her eyes in confusion. Why? Because he'd have to kill her? Kill the girl he loves' best friend? Katniss would get over it.

"Why not?"

Gale didn't even have the courtesy to look at her before he responded. "Because she came here with me."

* * *

><p>Boiling with anger Johanna rode the elevator to their floor in silence. Johanna's fists balled at her sides, ready to strike at any moment. As soon as they stepped onto the floor she rushed at Gale, attempting to punch him in the face but he caught her fist. "What the hell?"<p>

"What the hell me!?" Johanna repeated, wrenching out of his strong grip. "What the hell is wrong with you? Telling people you're in love with me? Are you fucking kidding? You're in love with Katniss!"

"And so are you!" Johanna's anger went up in smoke and the fight left her eyes. Gale's gaze softened. How did he know? "We need to present a united front, Johanna. If they see us as a team we can both get help. If we both get help, one of us gets to go home to her."

Johanna's jaw tightened as she fought down tears. Tears caused from the thought that there would be a scenario where she would go home without him. She and Katniss would have to try and put their lives together without Gale. This selfless, angry boy that Johanna had thought of as nearly a brother. She could barely imagine what that life would look like. "You made me look _weak_."

Haymitch stepped in between them, facing down Johanna. She grimaced at the sour taste of wine on his breath. "It wasn't his idea. It was mine. You two are clearly very close, but not close enough. Do you know how many people approached me after Gale's confession? People are lining up to sponsor you. He made you look desirable." He stepped backward, looking at both the angry youths. "Before that interview, you were both just two very hostile tributes. Now you're star-crossed lovers."

"We are not star-crossed lovers!" Johanna spat out, her tiny form trembling with anger and unspent sadness.

"It doesn't matter!" Haymitch yelled back. "That is what is going to keep you alive. You are each other's best shot."

Johanna scoffed. "And if it comes down to just the two of us?"

Gale shrugged. "I'll flip you for it." The absolute insanity of his comment made Johanna burst out in peals of laughter, surprising and entertaining Haymitch and relaxing the mood in the room a bit. Gale wrapped Johanna in a tight hug. He pulled away and stared into her eyes, for a moment reminding her of Katniss. They both held that smoky gray gaze with just a hint of sky blue skies. It was almost, _almost_, like looking at Katniss. But there was a fire behind Gale's eyes that was absent from Katniss. A fire she felt inside her. Even though Gale and Katniss favored each other in appearance, she and Gale favored each other in temperament. They really were each other's best shot. Nobody would protect the other like they could. In the arena, that protection would mean the difference between seeing Katniss again or death.

* * *

><p>Later that night, plagued by insomnia and anticipation of the next day, Johanna made her way to the roof of the building. The air was cool but not unpleasant as she made her way toward the tall silhouette she saw near the edge. Gale leaned on the stone marble, looking down at the Capitol citizens partying below them.<p>

"This place is atrocious," Gale remarked, shaking his head. "Look at them. Celebrating. Tomorrow a bunch of kids are going to die. _We _might die. And that's cause for celebration."

Johanna leaned on her forearms and nodded in agreement. "True. A lot of them are just here by accident of birth. Same that made us pop up in Twelve."

Gale grimaced and rubbed his hairless chin. Whatever they did to the boys to make them hairless must last a while. Johanna couldn't remember ever seeing a tribute with hair in the arena. "Yeah but just because you're born here doesn't mean you have to be a complete idiot. Look at Cinna. Hell, even Effie isn't as horrible as these people."

"That's because we know them. We don't know these people. Though to be honest if you asked me if we should just drop a giant nuke on them, I wouldn't say no."

Gale smirked at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "I really am sorry about the interview. I told Haymitch it was a bad idea but he insisted. He said our brother-sister act wouldn't help us get sponsors. But acting in love might. I just don't want her to be alone. We can't abandon her."

Johanna nodded, leaning into Gale's strong embrace. She and Gale were never as close as she was with Katniss, not only because of gender and their obligations to their families, but also because of the underlying jealousy that tinged their relationship. A jealousy they had not acknowledge until tonight. Now, though, she was incredibly glad to have him here. The bittersweet small joy of having someone she loved with her on the night that could be preceding her death. She was glad it wasn't a stranger but heartbroken it was Gale. "How do you think she reacted?"

Gale chuckled. "I have no idea. Probably surprised. Angry." He looked back out at the stars, just visible above the bright lights of the Capitol city. "Jealous, I'd think." He looked at me. "I would be, if she were here. But I think I would understand."

Johanna nodded. "I guess the real question is, jealous of who?"

"I'm certain we'll never know."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Sorry there's technically no Joniss here. I solemnly swear there <em>is <em>Joniss. But, you know, hunger games, death, all that good stuff comes first.


	3. The Spark That Ignited The Flame

Katniss awoke in the morning of the first day of the Games just before dawn. Prim was still sleeping soundly beside her, Buttercup curled near her feet. In the days since Johanna and Gale had left for the Capitol it seemed like life was moving in slow motion. School was not an option any longer; all time during the day was spent hunting and gathering. There were three families now needing her assistance. She'd sell things at the Hob and bring the money or food to Hazelle, grab John from school and go hunting in the woods with him, then retire at night, completely exhausted from the day.

The only reprieve had been the night before during the interviews. She hadn't watched any of the other compulsory broadcast, choosing instead to go alone in the woods. But that night would be the last time she'd see her friends before they were thrown into the arena, so she had watched with her mother and sister.

Her heart ached for little Rue as she flitted on stage like a bird, and Katniss wrapped her arm protectively around Prim. _Johanna_. Never had Katniss seen her look so beautiful. There was very little cause to dress up in 12, so she was certain she had never seen Johanna in anything nicer than her reaping dress. Her makeup on stage was sparse, just some winged eyeliner and some lipstick that made her look even more devastating than she already did. Katniss knew from growing up with her that Johanna attracted attention without giving even the barest hint of effort, not that she'd ever notice. Katniss preferred the girl with the light freckles on the tops of her cheeks and a smudge of dirt across her chin, but this gorgeous creature on the stage was another thing all together. It stirred something deep within Katniss's stomach that she hoped was the result of having eaten one of Greasy Sae's concoctions.

_"The plum and lamb stew._" Katniss grinned at the screen, knowing fully well Johanna meant that for her. She wondered what plums tasted like. Probably sweet to counter the saltiness of the lamb.

_"Her sister, Katniss, she's my best friend. I wouldn't want any pain to come to her. We've all suffered so much already. So this is my way... this is my way of protecting them both." _Katniss rested her head on her mother's shoulder, feeling the comforting embrace of her mother's arm wrap around her shoulder. Her mother had taken on new life since both Johanna and Gale had left. Seeing Katniss so broken, and knowing how Johanna's sacrifice had allowed her daughter to live, had seemed to awaken something that had died inside her. She had begun teaching Johanna's little sister in the apothecary, enjoying the company of the intelligent young girl. More importantly for Katniss, her motherly instincts had kicked in and she had begun making an effort to reconnect with her.

Gale looked striking. If the girls in 12 weren't already fawning all over him, they would be now. His rapport with Caesar was easier than Katniss thought it would be. Gale hated to fake interactions with anyone. He was smiling, joking, being all the things she knew Gale wasn't. And then...

_"She came here with me."_

Katniss didn't even hear herself breathe out a "What?" until she saw two pairs of blue eyes staring at her. That couldn't be right. Gale wasn't in love with Johanna. And by the shocked and somewhat angry look on Johanna's face, the feelings were not reciprocated. Why would he say that? Jealousy began to roll up inside her stomach and Katniss felt flattened by it. There was no way it was true. It had to be a strategy for the games. Surely Johanna would not have gone along with that. It wasn't in her nature. Katniss didn't watch the rest of the program.

As Katniss walked through the woods the following day, she began checking on the snares that Gale had luckily taught her before the reaping. She tucked two rabbits into her belt, making careful work to set up the snare like he did. He was so peculiarly delicate in handling these deadly weapons. He always knew how to balance the pulleys and weights, knowing exactly where they prey would move. Katniss knew she lacked the same skill but she tried nonetheless. She had to try. Three sets of families were counting on her.

The early morning fog was beginning to be burned away by the heat, revealing the meadow before her. Today would be the first day of the games. The bloodbath at the cornucopia. Gale and Johanna would be too smart to go for the cornucopia, Katniss thought as she climbed a familiar tree. Withdrawing a small end of bread, she gnawed on it as the sun began to rise ahead of her. This tree was Johanna's favorite. Johanna could scale trees with a frightening speed, somehow making herself lighter than air and sitting in the tops, balanced precariously. Before she was in the home, she and Johanna would often climb the trees together and get away from their lives for a little bit. She cherished those times.

At night she sobbed into her pillow, thinking on how she was going to live without her best friends. Three Hawthornes, three Masons, two Everdeens in the Seam, at least three of them up for reaping next year. Katniss was certain she couldn't support them all. Luckily Johanna had been right about John; he was a quick learner and very quiet. He was more like Gale than Johanna, but did not possess the anger Gale had. From what Katniss could remember about Johanna's dad, he looked a lot like him. He carried his confidence quietly, unlike Johanna who was loud and pompous a lot of the time. But the small moments with her, the quiet moments where Johanna reflected on their lives is what Katniss cherished most. It was a gentle, deep side of Johanna that she reserved for talking to her little sisters or Katniss.

The games didn't start until about noon, so Katniss made the rest of her morning devoted to resetting the snares and getting down the Hob to trade before everyone was shuttered in their homes or in the square to watch the beginning of the games.

* * *

><p>Claudius Templesmith's loud voice boomed in the central square in 12, signaling the beginning of the games. The camera spun around in the circle and Katniss heard her breath catch as she saw Gale, poised to run. Four platforms to his right, Johanna, her mockingjay pin affixed to the outside of her jacket. She didn't realize it, but she clutched Prim's hand.<p>

The gong rang out and everyone took off running. The camera cut so quickly Katniss could barely follow it. Her fingers probably cut off Prim's circulation as Johanna struggled over a backpack and her face got spattered with blood as the tiny mousey girl from 2 stabbed the other person in the back. The camera cut to Gale who had just taken down a boy, Katniss couldn't name the district. Maybe 7. He punched the kid clear across the jaw, and with a deadly precision snapped his neck and let him drop to the floor. Grabbing his own pack the camera followed him as he grabbed something from the Cornucopia and found Johanna and the two of them took off toward the woods.

"C'mon, Jo! Get up! Let's go!"

The camera moved back to the cornucopia where the Careers were mopping up the tributes too slow or stupid to make it away fast enough. The screen went to Gale and Johanna in a sprint through the woods, separating themselves from everyone else. _Good_. Get as much distance from the nasty careers as possible. "They made it," Prim whispered to Katniss, smiling up at her sister. "Half of them are already gone but they made it."

"We knew they would." On the screen Claudius Templesmith had begun narrating their actions. Gale had somehow managed to procure an axe, which he promptly handed to Johanna. _Look at that! Giving your weapon to the enemy! He must really trust that girl. _They went to the Careers who were then sorting through the Cornucopia. Katniss felt her blood boil as the insipid girl from 1 grabbed the bow. _That's not for you_, Katniss thought. That's for Gale. Hell, even Johanna was a decent enough shot when she put forth the patience. Which was around never.

Katniss led Prim away from the square, unable to stomach watching any more. They had made it though the first hour but sometimes the games lasted for weeks. She would rather spend her time with her mother and sister or alone in the woods where she could cry in solitude.

* * *

><p>But every day she found herself at the Hob watching the broadcast of the Games. Gale and Johanna were featured a lot since they were Panem's unfortunate "love story." She watched them in their quest for water, avoiding a giant wall of manufactured flames, making a safe camp near a little cave by the stream. She almost felt as if she was being carried with them, the way they moved together so perfectly, just as they three did in the woods. They got through the first three days unscathed. They were far from the Careers, who had booby-trapped the area around the cornucopia. It seemed as if they had decided to just wait it out and let the others take care of each other.<p>

The camera found them one very early morning sitting around the embers of a dying fire. The stream they had found was helpful to them but they knew they were targets. Only the girl from five, the Careers, the two tributes from Eleven and Gale and Johanna were left. A twig snapped above them and they both sprung to their feet. Gale with a knife in his hand, Johanna with her axe. Gale was about to throw it when Johanna grabbed his hand. "No wait. It's the little girl."

Rue climbed down from the tree and stepped toward them sheepishly. "I can help you."

"Help us?" Johanna questioned, tucking her axe into her belt. Gale still held his knife tightly in his palm. Johanna nodded to him to put it away and he shook her off.

Rue eyed the knife and nodded. "I know where they sleep. The tributes from One and Two and the girl from Four? They sleep underneath this big tracker jacker nest. They don't know it's there." Johanna widened her eyes but didn't speak. Rue smiled. "I don't have a knife or anything so I can't cut it down. You can."

Gale hardened his gaze. "How do we know you're not with them? Or Thresh?" Johanna raised her eyebrow in disbelief at him and he shrugged. "I don't know, it's possible. They tell her that they'll protect her and once they get rid of us..." Johanna nudged him with her elbow and stepped toward Rue.

_"Uh oh, sounds like there's going to be a lover's quarrel." _Katniss wanted to strangle whatever stupid person was doing the announcing. Gale and Johanna were so similarly hot-headed how anyone thought they could pass as a couple flew right over Katniss's head. But where Gale's anger was replaced by stone dry logic, Johanna's anger was replaced by wet, hot empathy and emotion. Two sides of the same coin.

"I'm not lying," she replied in a soft voice. "I thought we could help each other." Unbeknownst to Gale and Johanna, Rue had been watching the Careers for two days. She followed their paths, helping herself to the scraps they left behind. She was not with them. She had somehow survived on her own skills and her incredible ability to fly into the trees. If Johanna was even a little like Katniss, she would've taken her on as an ally.

"Deal." Gale opened his mouth to protest but Johanna raised her hand to cut him off. "Here's what I'm thinking. You and I will get up as high as we can in the trees. I assume you're good at climbing trees. I saw you in training." Rue grinned proudly and nodded. "So am I. So you show me where they are, and we'll climb up as high as we can. I'll cut down the nest and you take off. We'll meet back here." Johanna turned to Gale. "You stay on the ground and cover us. If someone comes after us, we kill them."

Gale nodded. "And then?"

Johanna shot him a glare as she began cleaning up their camp. "And then we'll fucking figure it out. First things first, we have to get rid of the Careers. We can worry about the future if we have one." Johanna picked up her backpack and put it around her shoulders. She handed some the rest of their meat to Rue, nodding for her to take it. "Go ahead, kid. You look like you need it."

"If we knock this nest down the bees are going to come after us, too. What's the plan? Hope they don't come our way? We both know that's how it works." Katniss smirked at Gale's stubbornness. But she knew Johanna. She knew Johanna saw in Rue what Katniss saw immediately: her sister. Johanna probably saw Aurelia and Celadine and Primrose all rolled into the tiny little bird that was Rue. If neither of them were to come home, Johanna would want it to be Rue.

"We'll run. We know that it's happening." Johanna looked to Rue. "Where they are, is it far? Will they be awake by the time we get to them?"

Rue shook her head. "Nope. It's not too far from here. The girl who was supposed to take watch fell asleep right when I left. It will only take a few minutes to get there."

Johanna paused, looking deep in thought for a moment. "Have you seen the redhaired girl from Five?"

Rue nodded her head. "Yeah. She's been very clever, avoiding everyone. She usually goes in after you guys or the careers leave their camp and eats whatever is left. She figured out that the careers had put explosives near the cornucopia."

Gale whipped his attention to Rue. "They have mines?"

She nodded solemnly. "I saw her get in and out of them. The entire place is booby-trapped."

After Gale put out the rest of the smoldering embers he gathered his things and begrudgingly gave Johanna a curt nod. She looked to the little girl. "Well that's a problem for another day. All right then Rue. Lead the way."

* * *

><p>The walk was short, as she had said. The cameras didn't even cut away from the trio of them as they approached the Career's camp. Katniss wondered why they had taken rest there. Maybe someone had gotten to the Cornucopia. More than likely, it was a way to attract people to the horn and possibly blow them up trying to steal supplies.<p>

The non-verbal communication between the three of them was flawless. Katniss felt people bump passed her in the Hob was the games played on the television but she stood firm. She had to see if this worked. This plan could potentially kill them; tracker jackers are notoriously aggressive when they are threatened. When they would see the nests in the woods they'd go as far away as possible. For both Gale and Johanna to approach them so closely meant a lot of trust being placed in this little girl and her plan.

Johanna and Rue silently scaled the trees together. Johanna removed her axe from her belt and Katniss could feel her nervousness. If she missed the small spindle of what looked like gray plaster that connected the nest to the tree, she'd be dead. All of them probably would be, including Gale and Rue. Gale was tucked into the safety of some brush, armed with his knife, watching Johanna. His eyes dipped down and Katniss watched them light up.

The bow! He was going to try and get the bow. That would be their best bet in taking out whoever in this pack survived the tracker jacker incident. The announcers finally noticed it too, making hushed comments into the microphone as if their voices would disturb the moment. Even now in the Hob, trade seemed to come to a halt. Everyone was watching Johanna, Gale and Rue as they poised to attack.

_Thwack_. _Buzz_. If the stream wasn't live, Katniss was sure they'd have shown it in slow motion. Johanna's aim was perfect. The nest snapped off the tree and plummeted to the ground, hitting one branch before splitting open at the feet of the girl with the bow that had fallen asleep. Gale continued his watch from the brush as the Careers all awoke in states of panic, swatting at the bees.

"The lake!" one of them shouted. It was too late for two of them. The girl from 1 with the bow was a goner, writhing on the ground, and the girl from 4 was about to be done as well. There was more rustling and the camera zipped back to find Johanna on the ground. Katniss gasped, her hand over her mouth. Johanna had fallen out of the tree. She was stung. One bump on her cheek, one on her arm, one on her leg, all swelling rapidly. Katniss didn't know she was screaming until Darius came up and hugged her from behind, trying to stop her from striking out against someone. She felt wetness on her face and realized she was crying. Gale had to help her!

_Thump_. Rue landed on the grass next to Johanna, having gotten to her first. The camera cut back to the boy from 1, deliriously smiling with his own set of bumps all over him. "You think you can just get away with this?!" he screamed, falling to his knees. Gale stormed over to him and kicked him in the chest, forcing him flat on the ground. He lifted his head and slit his throat all the way around, just as Katniss had seen him do one thousand times to a kill in the forest.

But this was not a kill in the forest. This was a boy. With memories and a life and a family now gone with the boom of the cannon. Gale rushed back toward Johanna and Rue. His sense of priorities was clear. Rue would be gone within moments. Johanna, too, if he did not get the stingers out. Katniss watched his dilemma. Johanna would want him to take care of Rue in her final moments.

"There's..." Rue's small voice cut through and the announcers stopped speaking. "There's some herbs near the... near the spring... put the leaves... on her stings... She'll live. She'll live and...you guys can win."

Even the announcers didn't speak as the cannon went off. Grimly Gale turned his attention to Johanna. He pulled the stingers out as quickly as he could, ignoring Johanna's hands as she tried to swat him away. Next to her prone body lay Rue, eyes closed, facing upward. Katniss watched Gale carefully as the cameras zoomed around him, taking in his features. He was angry. The way he set his jaw, the intense focus in his eyes, Katniss recognized it immediately. Gale despised the senselessness of all the Capitol-orchestrated deaths.

Gale began gathering flowers from around where they were sitting and placing them around her head like a halo. He placed her hands over her stomach, ignoring the single bird call that indicated the hovercraft was coming. He took her backpack and put it over his shoulders. He worked with intense purpose as he made her makeshift funeral, his thin lips set in a firm line.

Then, he did something extraordinary. He stared up directly at the camera. Katniss knew that look. It was the same look he'd get in his eyes when they'd talk about the terrible living conditions in 12 or the cruelty of the Capitol. "I will not let her death be in vain, District Eleven. The people responsible for this death _will_ be punished." He pressed his three fingers to his lips and raised them in silent salute. His meaning was unmistakeable. The boy technically responsible for Rue's death is dead, already being picked up by the hovercraft.

He meant the Capitol.

They knew it too, as they quickly cut away to the Careers in the lake, evading the rest of the tracker jackers. When they returned to Gale he was back by the spring with Johanna, rubbing her stings with the leaf mixture that Rue had reminded him existed. Johanna was barely conscious, moaning incoherently and still trying to swat away Gale's help.

_But she was alive_, Katniss thought, feeling the tightness in her chest begin to relax. Katniss felt like her body was moving without her. Her hand reached up and touched the screen as the camera showed Johanna wincing and turning over. She couldn't reach her. Her heart felt clenched in her chest like she was dying from the inside out. Against her better judgment, against her common sense, against reality, she wanted to be there in that forest with Johanna. She wanted to be getting her better and protecting her. The feeling was as overwhelming as Katniss's desire to protect Prim. But ...different. It was the strength that was similar, but not the motivation. Johanna didn't feel like her sister. She felt... like a piece of Katniss she didn't ever want to lose.

* * *

><p>The cameras swarmed in 12 like the nest of tracker jackers the next day. Once it whittles down to eight contestants, the families and friends of the tributes are interviewed and shown to the Capitol. Katniss had taken Johanna's siblings out of school, as well as Gale's, and between herself, Hazelle, and her mother, managed to get them all looking kempt and clean.<p>

Effie Trinket, the woman somewhat responsible for them being in the Capitol, brought them all down to the Justice Center to brief them on what to expect. "Now, we've had to make some adjustments because of ...the situation between our tributes." Katniss raised her eyebrow, sitting on the chair inside the plush room and crossing her arms over her chest. "Katniss, you and Primrose will be presenting yourselves as Gale's cousins."

"Why?" Prim asked before Katniss could circumvent her inquisitive nature.

Effie looked over at Prim with a tight smile that looked to Katniss like it had been painted on. "Well dear, we don't want the viewers at home thinking that Katniss's friendship with Gale is ...anything more than a friendship. That hurts Gale and Johanna's chances of getting more sponsors."

"I haven't seen them get any sponsors," John interjected angrily. "Every time I see them they're fighting for their lives or hiding in a cave."

Effie tried to remain composed. "Haymitch has been working on that. It's been difficult. You see, the way they presented themselves in the interviews... that is the key to their getting more sponsors."

"By pretending to be in love," Katniss supplied in a dull tone.

John furrowed his dark eyebrows. "Johanna doesn't love Gale. That's gross." Katniss couldn't help but smile at John's summation. He wasn't wrong and it was one of the few times he sounded like an eleven-year-old, instead of a forty-year-old wise man that Katniss encountered in the forest.

"Yes, let's not talk about that, shall we? They are going to ask you about growing up with your siblings, what life is like, how proud you are of them. Speak as little as possible and this will be over quickly." Effie clapped her hands together and Katniss was surprised that white powder didn't fill the air. She was so caked with makeup she didn't even look real.

Gale's cousin. That was a new perspective. They did favor each other enough that it wouldn't be surprising. But everyone in the Seam at least knew that would be a lie. Prim didn't seem bothered; she was too busy blushing and shyly talking to Johanna's brother to even notice anything anyway. Katniss rolled her eyes and escorted Prim away from the boy and toward their mother.

She'd have to be careful with her words. Not too give away too much of her relationship with Gale or Johanna. She wished she could tell them. _Act more in love, your lives depend on it!_

* * *

><p>From that day on, Katniss was almost glued to the television in all the times she was not actively hunting. She had filtered the information to John about Johanna, keeping him informed that she was still alive. Katniss sat herself at the Hob next to Darius and across from Greasy Sae, all of them watching Johanna convalesce in the cave. Gale kept up the hunting and within two days Johanna was awake and looking much better. Two more deaths in the arena had happened while she had been asleep: the boy from 3 and the limping boy from 10. Only Gale, Johanna, the girl from 5, the pair from 2 and Thresh were still left.<p>

Gale and Johanna sat in the cave, munching on some berries and nuts that Gale had foraged from the forest as well as rolls donated from District 11. They didn't speak for a while and the camera went to Thresh making his way through the wheat fields. Suddenly it cut back to them. "How many days was I out?" Johanna asked, looking over at Gale. They sat side by side in the cave, popping the fruit into their mouths.

"About two. Only two people died. Still two careers left."

"She died," Johanna stated flatly, looking at the ground. "She died because of me. I saw her..before I passed out. It was...weird and green but..I saw her look at me. And then there was blood."

Gale nodded his head, looking away from her. "Yeah, she did. But that just means that we've got to kill them. We have to get back at them for what they did to Rue."

Johanna took a look at her leg, on which the swelling had gone down significantly. They had been fortunate to escape major injuries and burns so Johanna looked resigned to her fate with her sting. It could be much worse. She rubbed the area with her finger gently, then rubbed her two fingers together. "Is that...saliva?"

"I chewed the leaves..it was the fastest way to get them on your legs."

Johanna looked over at him. Katniss couldn't tell what Johanna was searching for but they seemed to be on the same page as their eyes met. "You saved me."

Gale allowed himself a small smile and nodded. "Of course I did. I really thought I was going to lose you." His eyes went to the muddy ground beneath their feet. "She'd never forgive me if I let you die." Katniss's eyes went wide as she listened to Gale. Did he mean her? He must have. "You'd do the same for me."

Johanna nodded her head. "I would." Katniss nearly swooned as she saw Johanna lean in and press her lips against Gale's. Any shock he might have had he swallowed it well and responded in full, placing his hand on her cheek and pulling her closer. Every thought she had about them pretending to be a couple to save their lives was dashed as her heart beat too fast inside her chest. This wasn't right. Her fingertips gripped the table tightly and her jaw began to hurt from being clenched so hard.

The only good thing that came from seeing their kiss was clarity. Katniss realized, for the first time in all the years she had known Gale and Johanna, of whom she was jealous. She wasn't oblivious to Gale's feelings for her, and she could never quite shake the feeling that Johanna saw her as something other than a friend. Something more intimate than a friend and less chaste than a sister. But knowing those things and knowing how she felt about them were two separate things. Until now. Seeing their lips move over each other's, hearing the gentle sigh from Johanna's mouth and the way her fist had clutched Gale's jacket...

She was jealous of Gale. In one fell swoop her life became both much more complicated and much more tragic. The thought of Johanna's lips pressing against his and Gale tasting...whatever it is Johanna tasted like made Katniss boil with jealousy. A useless, selfish jealousy that did nothing but amplify how powerless she was. They only had each other in that arena. Even if one of them did manage to come home, things would never be the same. She'd never traverse the woods with them. He or she would always be stuck in that arena in their mind, the loss of their friend on their conscience.

And Katniss would never forgive herself for hoping it was Johanna that came back.

The anthem played above their heads and they looked at each other confusedly. Claudius Templesmith boomed from all around them, echoing in the trees and rippling across the lake. "A rule change is now in effect. There can be two victors this year if both of them are from the same District."

Katniss looked over at Darius. "They can both win." Her eyes went twice their size as she grabbed his arm and nearly shook him off the stool. "They can both win! They can both come home!"

Her overwhelming joy at the news was quickly reciprocated by the pair on screen. They cameras cut briefly to Thresh, alone in the wheat field, then to the girl from 5, alone in the woods near the lake, then to Cato and Clove from 2, celebrating the news. They got back to Johanna and Gale, who had somehow picked her up and twirled her around. She clasped his face in her hands and pressed their lips together again.

Katniss felt the joy begin to seep from her chest. They seemed...genuinely happy. The kiss seemed like more than just a ploy. If she were someone watching in the Capitol, or even in the districts, she might believe them. Gale's arms holding Johanna underneath her legs, her hands pressing against the side of his face, the breathless, deep way they kissed... It was so very real. If this was an act, and Katniss wished down to her bones that it was, it made sense for them to be so intense. Gale and Johanna went about everything they did with intensity: Gale's quiet, Johanna's loud.

Gale placed Johanna on the ground and placed his hands on her shoulders. "You know what this means, right?" Gale leaned in closer to her. "We get to see her again."

Katniss opened her eyes just in time to see the smile appear on Johanna's lips for a moment. It disappeared quickly. "After we kill literally everyone else. Including Cato and Thresh who, no offense, could probably break you."

A parachute appeared above their heads and Gale snatched it out of the air. He opened the tiny silver ball and saw two vials of a slightly violet-tinted liquid. The note attached only said one thing, which the camera zoomed in on as Gale handed it to Johanna. _To get home, drink this. - H._

"What do you think it is?" Johanna asked, taking one of the vials from Gale. She popped open the top and smelled it, grimacing. "It smells like blackberries. But...sweeter."

Gale shrugged his shoulder and put the vial in his pocket. "Let's get this camp cleaned up and get moving. I want to get to them before they have a chance to regroup with more of their supplies."

He went to the small fire, putting it out with the mud. He grabbed his backpack and put it over his shoulder, hoisting the quiver with the silver-tipped arrows on the other one. Johanna looked at the vial, then back to the camp. "Wait. Remember how Rue said that girl from Five was following us?" Gale nodded. "Well, set a snare. Leave some stuff here and let's booby trap it." Gale paused in thought, looking down at their haphazard set of supplies. "I know we don't have much but to be honest, I don't want to have to kill her."

"No, we have enough." Gale went to work setting up a pretty elaborate booby trap. He somehow rigged nearby vines, some twisting branches, one of his two arrows, and a small bowl of nuts into a deadly trap. The second she lifted the bowl to eat the nuts, the arrow would come virtually from nowhere and hit her. Gale was certain it would get her in the throat. Johanna didn't disagree. Unfortunately it left them with only one arrow and three more people to kill.

Once it was set they gathered the rest of their things, then took the vials out of their pockets. "What do you think it does?" Gale asked, popping the cork off the top and tossing it on the ground. Johanna shrugged. They clinked their vials together and downed the liquid. Katniss's eyes were glued to the screen as they watched them look at each other in near horror.

Their bodies shivered hard and then snapped to attention. Johanna's eyes were black like a cat's, her pupils insanely wide. "Holy shit. I feel like I can see everything. I can see the bugs on the trees."

Gale clenched and unclenched his fists. "I feel stronger? Stronger than I've ever felt, even when I wasn't starving."

Johanna laughed. "When have you not been starving?" Gale nudged her with his elbow. "I agree. Wait. Nudge me again. Harder." Gale raised his eyebrow but did as she asked, nudging her harder with his elbow. Johanna didn't even flinch. "Gale, I don't think we can feel pain."

Gale turned to Johanna and held out his arms. "Punch me. As hard as you can, in the face." Johanna looked at him warily and he sighed in exasperation. "We don't know how long this lasts. Just do it." Johanna pulled back her fist and balled it tightly, then launched it at Gale's face. Neither of them reacted. Johanna's hand didn't hurt, Gale's face wasn't bruised. "That's what he meant by getting home. We can barely get hurt now."

"Then let's kill these assholes and get home to our girl." Gale grinned at Johanna and they took off into the woods back toward the Cornucopia. They ran so fast the insect cameras had a hard time keeping up with them. Whatever Haymitch had procured for them made them near super-human in strength and speed. Within just a few minutes they were back at the Cornucopia, standing at the edge. Thresh was near the horn's entrance. "They must not be here," Johanna remarked. "He wouldn't be here if they were." A cannon boomed and they looked at each other, then behind them. Just a flash of red hair with an arrow sticking out from somewhere was visible being picked up by the hovercraft. Gale went to step forward and Johanna stopped him with a hand around his stomach. "Wait. Rue said it was booby-trapped."

Gale nodded his head. He took the bow out and aimed it down toward a large sack of apples hanging near the horn. "Cover your ears." Johanna did as she was told and Gale let the arrow fly, ripping the bag open and spilling the apples on to the grass. Within seconds the entire grass was all blown up with loud explosions, decimating not only the supply packs but also killing Thresh on contact. Johanna winced as she watched his body parts fly all over the grass, landing with a sickening thud.

After a few minutes Cato and Clove emerged from the woods to Gale and Johanna's left, screaming in anger. Gale and Johanna exchanged a look and came charging out of the woods. The 2 natives were surprised by immediately sprung into action. Clove tackled Johanna to the ground as Cato wrestled with Gale. Clove unsheathed a knife and stuck it straight into Johanna's thigh, but to her surprise, Johanna didn't even flinch.

Instead she rolled the girl off of her and took the knife out of her thigh. She pinned Clove down beneath her, blood pouring from her leg. "How are you still alive?" Clove asked breathlessly, looking panicked around to find Cato. The camera came in closely to their faces.

"I guess I wanna win more than you do. Say hi to Glimmer for me." With one swift movement Johanna plunged the knife into Clove's neck, twisting it and hearing her gurgled screams as the knife and the blood filled her throat. She removed it and tossed it aside as Clove's head hit the grass and the cannon went off.

Johanna got up as quickly as she could, looking for Cato and Gale. Suddenly, from deep within the woods, she saw several pairs of eyes. She took out her axe. "Gale!" Gale took a punch to the jaw as he looked at Johanna. "Gale run!" Gale pushed Cato off of him as he ran toward Johanna. They began scaling the cornucopia as fast as they could as the mutts came out from the forest.

Katniss gasped as he saw them. Hulking, four-legged creatures at looked like oversized black wolves, bounding toward the three of them as quickly as they could. Cato wasn't fast enough. As Gale pulled Johanna up to the top of the horn, Cato screamed as the mutts began tearing into his flesh. Johanna watched on, seemingly unable to move her eyes from the gruesome scene.

The cannon went off and everyone in the Hob began to cheer. Drinks were splashed as glasses were clinked, people were hugging, even Greasy Sae had given someone a big kiss on the cheek. Katniss sat in disbelief as she saw the two of them, bloodied and haggard, waiting for the announcer to boom his voice into the arena and signal their victory.

Instead, he said something else. Static crackled around them as they stood atop the golden horn, awaiting their victory. "Greetings to the final contestants of the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games. A closer examination of the rule book has disclosed that only one winner shall be crowned. The earlier revision has been revoked. Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor."

The mutts at the bottom of the horn took off back into the woods as the hovercraft cleared away Cato's body. Gale and Johanna stood, dumbstruck, staring into the sky. The revelry in the Hob came to a sobering stop. One woman in the corner began to weep. Katniss felt like she was going to puke. Any small amount of food in her stomach rose steadily to her esophagus.

"No." The microphones barely picked up Gale's voice, but it was clear to Katniss. "No," he stated more loudly, looking up. "I won't kill her. You can't make me. We are not leaving here without each other."

Johanna, emboldened by his strength, leaned into Gale as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Katniss and the rest of 12 watched with wide eyes. They were defying the Capitol! _And why not? _Katniss thought silently. They were going to die anyway. "That's right," Johanna picked up, her voice hard and shrill and strained. "I am not leaving here without him. So you can send in whatever monsters you have, Snow, because we will fight them all. We will go home. We will win."

Gale shucked down his bow, useless now with arrows, in a momentous gesture. Johanna tossed her axe, letting it slide off the cornucopia. They continued to undress until they stood in just the undershirt and pants and boots they were given. Johanna's mockingjay pin glistened against the sunlight. Even that little piece of jewelry mocked the Capitol.

"So what's it gonna be, huh?" Johanna screamed into the sky. "Two victors or no victor?" Katniss saw Johanna flinch and her leg give, but Gale held on to her tightly. The medicine Haymitch gave them must have been wearing off. Her knife wound was deep. The blood had begun coagulating on the skin but it was still in red streaks down her pants.

The pause was so long. Katniss figured the Capitol was figuring out a way to send some sort of lightning bolt to strike one of them dead, forcing only one victor. It felt as if every breath across Panem was being held. The static crackled again and Claudius Templesmith's voice rang through. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the victors of the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games! Gale Hawthorne and Johanna Mason!"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I'll probably be bouncing perspective like this. Hopefully it won't be too confusing. Let me know how you're liking my weird twist in the Hunger Games. Tbh I'm not suuuuuper thrilled with this chapter's execution. But I'm tired and I really wanted to get the ball rolling with this story.<p> 


	4. Back to the Fire from Which They Came

The hovercraft dropped a ladder down into the arena and Gale wrapped his arm around Johanna's back. He hoisted them both up on to the ladder and it froze them in place. They held tightly to each other as it pulled them inside the hovercraft. Johanna nearly collapsed on the ground with Gale's arms around her, the loss of blood in her leg making her completely swoon. Doctors rushed in and grabbed her, tearing her away from Gale.

"Johanna! No! You can't take her!" he screamed, held back by two white-clothed guards. Johanna couldn't scream back, her voice was lost with all the pints of blood that had spilled over the golden cornucopia. Gale screamed until his voice was hoarse and they injected a serum into his veins and his body began to slump against the guards. The last thing Johanna saw before passing out was his hand up against the glass as his eyes closed against his will.

* * *

><p>Johanna awoke to the sound of a heart rate monitoring machine beeping and the strong smell of antiseptic. One of the avoxes came to her side as she awoke, gripping her hand. Her heart began to thump harder and faster in her chest. "Gale? Is Gale okay?" The girl nodded and squeezed her hand. Johanna sighed and let her head hit the pillow. "And my leg? Do I...is it still there?" She nodded again and pulled the sheet away. There was a long, deep brown scar down her thigh that she could tell was of the permanent kind. Unlike the poor people in 12 whose wounds never fully closed and never healed, her wound was stitched with practiced precision and would not get infected. But it would be there for the rest of her life, no doubt about that.<p>

The avox moved to leave and Johanna grabbed her by the wrist. "Wait. Don't...I know that...I know that they do things to the victors. They a-alter them," Johanna stuttered as it felt like pure twilight was being leaked into her veins. "Don't let them touch me. I don't want them to change me. Please... _please_ don't let them change me." Her grip on the avox slipped as she fell into another deep slumber.

* * *

><p>Johanna had never been so relieved to hear Haymitch's gravelly voice as she was when she went down the corridor. "Great job, sweetheart." Haymitch wrapped his arms around Johanna and even through the slight stench of whisky Johanna felt comforted in a way she hadn't since her father died.<p>

She pulled away and looked up into his bloodshot blue eyes. "Gale?" It was all Johanna could think about. Not going home, not Katniss, not her brother and her sisters. Just Gale. She was still one foot in the arena.

"He's fine. He's done nothing but ask for you," Effie said with a grin. Johanna smiled up at Haymitch as he pushed hair out of her face. "Now, we must get going. You have to meet with the prep team for your make-up and _dear me_, your hair." Johanna shot her a sour look. "And Cinna will put you in a dress."

"When do I get to see Gale?" Johanna asked, bringing her attention back to Haymitch.

"They want to do your reunion live on air." Johanna nodded in understanding. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "You really sold it. I'm very proud of you."

Johanna looked down at her feet and shyly back up to Effie. The orange-coiffed woman took her by the arm and led her down the corridor into the room with the prep team. They all embraced Johanna as she tensed, shrilly congratulating her but genuinely seeming like they were glad to see her. After a long stretch of agonizing minutes she was primped and preened and made to look beautiful.

Cinna came in once the women were all shuffled out and brought Johanna in his arms. "I knew you were the smart bet," he said quietly as they pulled away.

Johanna smirked. "It's your first year too. I think _you_ were the smart bet." He waved her off and Johanna looked at the dress he had in his arms. It was a blood red dress with a deep neckline and a giant slit up the side. Johanna's eyes widened and looked to Cinna. "What the hell?"

Cinna cleared his throat and motioned for her to put it on. Johanna obliged him and once the dress was zipped in the back she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked downright seductive. The slit was on the side where her leg was not cut, so that was thankful. But between the dress and the high heels she looked much older than she was. "I thought... this would be more of a reflection of who you are."

As Johanna moved the dress she saw it shimmer like a dwindling bonfire. "Still with the fire?" Cinna grinned and Johanna grinned back at him. "No complaints here, I like it." She looked dangerous. She looked like someone who had just killed. It felt appropriate. But there was something beneath Cinna's tone that made Johanna slightly nervous.

It wasn't until Haymitch got her beneath the stage and got her in a ferocious hug that she realized what Cinna had meant. "The Capitol does not like to be provoked. You and your family could be in trouble. You need to go up there and be passionate. Be fiery. Be you. But do _not _be a rebel. Do you understand?" Johanna nodded. "Good girl. It's your night, try to enjoy it."

_Try to enjoy it_? Knowing the Capitol, that President Snow, were watching her every move? That her family was in danger? Johanna barely had time to think about it before the platform rose and she was thrust out into the blinding lights of the stage. The crowd was so loud Johanna couldn't even hear her heartbeat.

It didn't take long for her to find Gale. He looked dashing in a black suit and a red tie that matched her dress, shiny shoes that had pointed toes. Johanna paid no mind to her dress and leapt into his arms, folding her arms around his neck. They kissed, deeply and slowly, in a way they had not in the arena. This felt much more real. Probably because she was genuinely happy to see him.

Caesar attempted to interrupt but Gale pushed him away and set Johanna on the ground, continuing their passionate kiss with his hands holding the small of her back. Finally Haymitch stepped between them and good-naturedly pointed them toward the love seat. Johanna wiped lipstick off Gale's face affectionately as he led her to the couch. He put his arm over Johanna's shoulder as the lights dimmed so they could watch the screening of their games.

Most of it was old news for Johanna; watching them get away from the cornucopia together, staying alive in the woods, talking about home. Until Rue. Johanna watched Gale promise to avenge her and then whisk Johanna off into the cave and nurse her back to health. They really _did_ look madly in love. Their first on-screen kiss looked real and intense, their elation at the new rule seemed genuine (which it was), and their near superhuman speed and skill eliminating the rest of the tributes; it all spelled two people desperate not to lose each other.

It was all punctuated with Gale putting his hand up on the glass that separated them and Johanna was shocked to see her hand pressed up against it too. The camera faded and returned to them on the couch where Johanna took his larger hand between two of her smaller own. They locked eyes and Johanna gave him a very small smile.

The rest of the interview went well and Johanna realized Gale really had understood Haymitch. He talked about how much they needed each other, how that blocked out everything else for them. Nothing existed in that arena except for they two. Despite his impassioned speech, Johanna knew Gale was protecting his family. He had just as much to lose, if not more, if Snow came down and punished them for their little show.

But how long would this show go on?

* * *

><p>Too long, Johanna realized.<p>

Through the victory banquet and the final interview there was constant kissing and affection and talk of them being '_fiery_.' That their behavior, hopefully, was a reflection of who they were and not what they believed. They were two passionate teenagers madly in love and their anger was aimed at the Games for having to choose between life and death, not at the Capitol where their hatred really lay. It sickened them both.

They had barely a moment to speak to one another until the train was making its way back to 12 and they had stopped in 6 to refuel. They sat on the edge of the caboose of the train, their legs dangling off. Johanna's intense dresses were finally forgone, in place just a pair of green slacks tucked into brown boots with a brown shirt. Her mockingjay pin stayed securely in her pocket.

"I don't even think I'm ready to go home," Gale said after long minutes of silence, staring into the field of wildflowers. "I don't want to be here, certainly, but _home_. It sounds strange. I keep feeling like it's all a trick."

Johanna let out a sigh, looking up into the smoggy air. "I can't wait to be home," she confessed. "I want to get back into the woods. To see my siblings. Hell I'm even excited to see Greasy Sae." _To Katniss_.

Gale snickered and nodded his head. "True. But things are different now. _We're_ different now. We are not the same friends who went into that arena." Though his voice was gentle, his words were hard. Was he implying there was a shift in their relationship because they had to act in love?

Johanna raised her eyebrow and looked over at him. He looked much the same from when they left, except there was no hint of stubble on his cheeks. No soot in his eyelashes or his hair. "Nothing's changed."

"Oh come on Johanna. Do you think that this, what we're doing, ends when those cameras leave?" Gale lowered his voice to a whisper, hoping to be concealed by the wind. "Snow is watching us. If we slip up once, give him one reason to think we're not in love, he will kill our families." Johanna went to protest and Gale interrupted. "Why do you think Haymitch drinks alone? You think he always had no family?" Truthfully Johanna hadn't given any thought to Haymitch and his alcoholism. She detested his weakness. "Because Snow got to him. He did something in his Games not even as bad as us. And they killed his parents and his girlfriend. Do you think Snow will care to kill your family? Or mine? And what about Katniss?"

Johanna felt the bile rise in her throat. It hadn't occurred to her that all this false advertising would be forever. Certainly they wouldn't be expected to get married. Or would they? What did President Snow care about two lives if it prevented an uprising of sorts? "Really, what _about_ Katniss?"

Gale looked down at the tracks beneath their feet and sighed. "I don't know. I mean I always knew you loved her."

"Really?"

He smiled. "Yeah. Johanna, you practically hate everyone that doesn't share a last name with you. But Katniss? She's always had a hold on you. The only person who doesn't see it is her." He wiped his hands on the front of his jeans and looked over at her. "I never stood a chance."

Johanna scoffed loudly. "Please. She's known you longer, you're closer together, everyone already thinks you're a couple, you're a _guy_, and you're good-looking." Gale raised an eyebrow. "Or at least that's what I've been telling everyone in the Capitol. _I_ never stood a chance and you know it."

"You did something I never could." Gale placed his hand on Johanna's thigh. "You protected Prim. You know what Katniss said to me in the room before we left? You know what she said? She said, 'If she doesn't die at the blood bath, you better get her home.' She didn't tell _me_ good luck, she didn't give _me_ a mockingjay pin. She told _me_ to get _you_ home."

Johanna got up from her sitting position and shook her head. "Even if I believed you it doesn't matter now, does it? You and me? We're stuck with each other." Gale stood up and looked out into the meadows that surrounded the high factories in 6. "But to be honest - and I won't say this again - if it had to be anyone in Twelve, I'm glad it was you."

Gale took her by the hand and smiled sadly. "Don't go soft on me now, Mason." She smiled back and him and squeezed his hand tighter. It was true, though. If she had to pretend to be any guy's girlfriend, Gale would be her first choice. It wasn't a bad set-up but was getting exhausting. They didn't love each other, not in that way, and kissing him always felt very wrong. But in terms of having a partner to deal with this craziness? No one would've been better.

* * *

><p>That night, the last of their train ride, Johanna woke up in a sweat clutching her sheets and panting hard. Her nightmare had been the same as every night in the Capitol - people dying in the arena, getting chased by tracker jackers, seeing Rue get speared in the abdomen.<p>

Gale burst into the room in his sleeping pants, nearly slipping on the hardwood of the hallway floor in his haste. "Jo? Is everything okay?"

Johanna nodded, embarrassed, and waved him off. "I'm fine. Just a ...just a nightmare. Par for the course, I guess." In the Capitol Johanna had woken up with nightmares nearly every night, mostly choosing not to sleep. After the prep team could barely cover the bags under her eyes they finally gave her morphling to help her sleep. It also made her dreams weird and faded and she hated it.

Once they were on the train she didn't want the drug anymore, and this was the result. Crippling, heart-pounding nightmares. Gale scratched the back of his neck and looked down at his shirtlessness. "Do you want me to stay with you?" It wouldn't be the first time; the first time she had the nightmares he had calmed her down and she had fallen asleep in his arms. He explained having done it for Posy plenty of times since their father died. It made Johanna feel only marginally better about it.

She wanted to say no. Gale would understand, he was proud, too. But she desperately needed to sleep. So she gave him a shrug and a noncommittal "If you want" and turned over on the right side of the bed. She heard the door close and felt the warmth of Gale's body against hers as he spooned her. "You're lucky I'm wearing pajamas. I usually don't but Trinket came in here one time and I think I made her cheeks as red as her hair. So don't get any ideas, Hawthorne. "

Gale chuckled. "I wouldn't dare."

Johanna closed her eyes and tried to beckon sleep to herself. Though if she were honest, she didn't want to sleep at all. Even when she didn't have nightmares her dreams weren't pleasant. "Hey Gale?"

"Yeah?"

"How come you don't have nightmares?"

Gale was silent for a long while and Johanna thought he had fallen asleep. "I don't think it bothered me as much. I went into that arena to protect you. Anything I did was worth it because you're alive." The last few days had been showing the Capitol how close they were, how similar they were. Bold, courageous, loyal, full of flame and anger. But there was where they differed: Gale was a pragmatist whose life was shaped by survival. Johanna was instinctive and emotional. He let out a sigh that breezed in Johanna's hair. "Killing is surviving. In the arena and out."

"Not even Rue?"

"I didn't see Posy or Prim or your sisters in her like you did. I saw another obstacle in me getting you home." Johanna blinked her eyes a few times as she let that information settle inside her. "You think I'm heartless."

"No," she replied genuinely. "I think you're a survivor. That's the fucked up thing about the Games isn't it? There are no real victors. Only survivors."

* * *

><p>When they stepped off the train Johanna and Gale didn't have to pretend to be lovers anymore. Posy and Aurelia pushed through the crowd and leapt into the respective sibling's arms and held on to them tightly. John held Celadine by the hand as he got toward the train platform, wiping his eye with his shirt. Johanna hugged her sister as tightly as possible, smelling the sweet scent of baby powder. She placed her on the ground and clutched at her tiny cheeks. Hazelle brought both victors into a hug, smelling of wildflowers and a little of soot. <em>Home<em>.

After the dust had settled and the cameras were off, Johanna felt anxious about watching Gale leave with his family. It felt like she needed to keep him in sight, always. He noticed her nervousness and turned around, leaning into her ear. "I'll be right next door." He gave her hand a quick squeeze as his little sister pulled him away toward their new home.

Johanna busied herself talking with her siblings, crouched down on the platform. "We watched you every day!" Aurey exclaimed. "Well, any day that Johnny let us." She shot him a look of disdain that made Johanna grin. It felt as if nothing had changed, like no time had gone by. But everything _was_ changed. Well no, she reasoned. Only _she_ had changed.

"Yeah he said we didn't need to watch everything," Celadine added. Johanna gave John an appreciative look and returned her gaze to her sister, smoothing out her hair.

"He was right, a lot of it was boring. But that's all behind us now, okay? We don't need to talk about it. I want to know what you learned from Mrs. Everdeen." Johanna smiled at her little sister. Over her shoulder she saw Katniss approaching and felt her breath catch in her throat. Oh, how she had _missed_ her face. "John, everything is settled in the new house?" Her brother nodded. "Why don't you take them back home? I'll be home in a bit and we can all have dinner."

John took his sisters by their hands and led them away and down the road toward the village. Katniss walked slowly, looking as if she was approaching a wounded animal. Cautious, careful. When they stood alone on the platform, she wrapped her around Johanna's neck and pulled her in for a tight hug. "I can't believe you're both back. Not in a million years did I think this could happen."

"Me either," Johanna replied into Katniss's hair, stroking her back as they continued to hug. She never, ever wanted to let go of Katniss's warmth. Reluctantly Katniss pulled away and clasped her hands in front of her. Johanna smiled up at the brunette. "I guess your pin was good luck. I should thank Undersee when I see her next."

Katniss chuckled and nodded her head in agreement. "She was the only thing keeping me sane these past few weeks. Her and your brother, actually. He's... a lot like you. Except much less of a pain in the ass." Johanna pretended to be offended but as their laughter died, she saw a bit of sadness in Katniss's eyes. "You don't have any idea how much I missed you, JoJo."

Johanna normally would've grimaced at the childhood nickname but in this instance, it nearly brought tears to her eyes. "Not half as much as I missed you, Kitty Kat. You were the only thing keeping Gale and me going in there." Johanna wasn't sure if that was too revealing, but Katniss didn't seem to mind. It was true, no matter what the cameras showed. They both wanted to see Katniss again.

Katniss looked toward the ground instead. "It seemed like you two got along just fine." The edge in her tone was sharp.

"Katniss, look -"

"No, I get it. I know you have to do what you need to to survive, I just -"

"You don't get it," Johanna replied urgently. She took a look around the platform; nothing seemed safe here. Nothing seemed safe anywhere. "How about this Sunday, you and me go ...for a walk. Alone?" She hoped that Katniss wouldn't mistake her meaning: the woods, the meadow, their spot by their tree. Johanna longed for it. It was the only place they were safe.

Katniss shook her head in agreement. "Okay. _A walk_. This Sunday. Early?"

"Sunrise." Katniss nodded and went to turn around but Johanna grabbed her gently by the bicep. "Wait. Um...look, you can of course decline but." Johanna sucked in a deep breath, unable to meet Katniss's eyes. "I want you and your mom and Prim to move in with us."

Katniss's gray eyes went large and Johanna smiled. "We couldn't. Surely there's not enough room and -"

"Trust me, there's more than enough room. Cela and Aurey share a room anyway. John can have a room, your mother, and if you don't wanna share with Prim you can have yours, too. I just think.. it would be good for them to have some normalcy. A family." Katniss didn't answer for a while and Johanna ran her fingers through her hair roughly. "It's fine. It was stupid. I just thought that - forget it I -"

She dropped her hand so she entwined her fingers with Johanna's. "No, please. I appreciate it. Let me... let me talk to my mom first?" Johanna nodded and looked away from Katniss. How foolish she felt to expect Katniss to jump at the chance. Katniss placed her hand on her cheek and brought Johanna's gaze back. "I'll give you an answer on Sunday."

Katniss rubbed her thumb underneath Johanna's eye; the makeup there was hiding deep purple bags. Johanna saw the concern fill her eyes and she backed away from her contact. "I'm fine. Trouble sleeping is all."

Katniss looked less than convinced but silently assented to stop prodding. If Haymitch Abernathy was any indication, people who came back from the Games were changed. Gale seemed his usual self if not a bit distracted. But Johanna looked hollow. She hoped she could find Johanna, _her _Johanna, underneath the scarring of the arena.

* * *

><p>The sunrise cast a pale yellow hue on the meadow in front of Johanna. The smells and sounds of her woods brought some comfort to her, though her nerves made her jittery any time the leaves rustled. She leaned against the trunk of the tree and closed her eyes, trying to use the familiarity of home to calm her. Footfall near her made her open her eyes wide. Without thought she grabbed the person by the jacket and shoved them against the tree.<p>

"Johanna, easy, it's me. It's Katniss. I'm not gonna hurt you." Johanna's eyes were wild and without focus as she looked at her. It was almost like she didn't recognize her for a moment.

Brown eyes turned sorrowful. "Sorry," she muttered, releasing Katniss's jacket from her iron grip. Katniss attempted a smile but Johanna saw her rub the back of her head. "Did I hurt you?"

"No of course not," Katniss soothed. It was tragic to look at Johanna and see a girl who didn't look like she was in charge of herself. She wanted to reach out and protect her like she had when watching her in the arena. However, this Johanna was different. "I brought some food. Peeta Mellark, the baker's son, baked us some egg breads for breakfast."

Johanna didn't remember a Peeta Mellark. But if he was a baker's son then that meant he lived in town with the rich kids. Or at least, not the impoverished kids. Of course, everyone was charmed by Katniss so naturally he'd bake her a special treat. "Okay."

Katniss led Johanna to a small clearing in the meadow where they used to stop and rest when they were hunting. She sat cross-legged on the soft grass with her, picking out the bread and two small cloths to place them on. They ate in the early morning quiet as the sun rose over the far hills. In the week Johanna had been home she had been trying to come back to normal. Her brother and sisters were enjoying the new home and all the money. They could afford to go into the sweet shops though Johanna didn't allow it. Everyone seemed happier. Even down at the Hob people were in better spirits since the two of them had arrived. Johanna had even been treated to a bear hug from Greasy Sae and being picked up in the air by Darius, the Peacekeeper.

All she could think was how her father would've loved that nothing in their new home had a layer of soot on it. He always hated the black grime that settled on all their things. Her mother would've enjoyed the dresses. Life never works that way though so they would never enjoy the fruits of Johanna's misfortune. Not that her mother deserved it.

She saw Gale nearly every day, often finding herself on edge unless she could locate him. He'd show up every morning and greet her siblings and they'd spend only a few minutes talking but it was enough. They just needed reassurance the other was alive. Johanna looked over at Katniss who seemed to have a million questions dancing on her tongue. She rolled her eyes. "You can ask me about it, you know."

Katniss picked at the grass between her legs. "I don't want to talk about your Games. I watched every day. It was torture." Gray eyes leveled at brown ones. "Not to compare to what you went through but it was hard."

"I know." Johanna wasn't sure what part was hard: seeing them nearly get killed or seeing them act in love. "About Gale. Apparently our thing at the cornucopia looked like rebellion against the Capitol. Like we were trying to trick them."

Katniss shifted herself on the ground so she and Johanna were hip to hip. "I mean it did. You were. But before... At the interview."

"Haymitch's idea. He thought I was too angry and forlorn to get any sponsors so he and Gale dreamed up the star crossed lovers thing." Johanna's disgusted tone of voice relieved the small anxiety in Katniss heart she didn't know she had.

"Oh." She looked ahead. "Good." Johanna smirked at her in her periphery. "At least it worked."

Johanna scoffed. "Did it? I don't know. We tried. Honestly I don't know what I would've done without him. But it seems like we'll never get out of that arena. If Snow even thinks for a moment that we aren't madly in love... I think he'll come after our families."

"So what does that mean?"

Johanna shook her head. "I don't know. That we have to keep this up for the cameras I guess." She exhaled a long sigh and smiled as she looked over at Katniss. "No cameras out here though."

Katniss nodded in agreement. "And on that note, I need to give you something. Close your eyes." Johanna shot her a warning look and Katniss rolled her eyes. "Just trust me. Close them." Johanna did as she was told and Katniss sucked in a sharp breath. This was it. This was her moment. Johanna sat, _impatiently_, as Katniss tried to ready her nerves. This wasn't a big deal, right? A small kiss between friends was nothing to lose sleep over. "When you left for the Capitol, do you remember what you asked me?"

"About protecting my siblings?" Johanna asked, knitting her eyebrows as her eyes stayed closed.

"No. You asked me a question and I said when you get back." Johanna clearly didn't remember as she still wore a slightly open-mouthed puzzled expression that Katniss found both adorable and completely frustrating. She leaned on her palms and softly pressed her lips against Johanna's.

It was a small kiss, a very chaste one. Closed lips and barely any pressure, but Katniss saw stars behind her eyes. The tiny, almost inaudible gasp that Johanna breathed between them shot electricity straight through Katniss's stomach and between her legs. Well _that _was new.

She pulled away and Johanna's wide set brown eyes flew open like a rolled up curtain with alarming quickness. Katniss watched her closely. Her hand came up from beside her and she touched it to her own lips. Her eyes focused on Katniss. "Did you just kiss me?"

"Yes," Katniss replied slowly.

"Why?"

Katniss's confidence began to falter. Just because Johanna wasn't in love with Gale didn't mean she wanted her. Though _she_ had asked for a kiss before she left! Perhaps that was just something funny and lighthearted to remember her by. No, she thought, that couldn't be it. There was something between them, there always had been. "Because when you left you asked for a kiss and I promised one when you returned."

Johanna let the shock move out of her system but she placed her hand back down and her lips curled into a smirk. "I _nearly die _in that arena and that's how you're going to kiss me? Like I'm a relative you don't like? Some aunt you don't want to see?" Johanna shook her head and gave Katniss a hard stare. "Kiss a girl like you mean it, Everdeen, or don't kiss her at all."

Ever since they were around twelve or thirteen Johanna was always making remarks like that. Snarky bits full of innuendo that Katniss was always at a loss to decipher: was she being mean or being serious? They'd always been close physically, though Katniss did not like to strip nude and swim like Johanna did. There was always this steady undercurrent of teasing that bordered on a game of cat and mouse, in which she was almost exclusively the mouse. Katniss hadn't realized until Johanna was in that cave kissing Gale like _she _wanted to be kissed that she reciprocated Johanna's feelings.

At least, what she thought Johanna's feelings were. So in that moment, she had to decide: Was Johanna pushing her for fun? Or was she pushing her for real? Katniss didn't have time to decide as Johanna scoffed in frustration and grabbed the lapel of Katniss's jacket and pulled her in for a kiss. This time it was not chaste or without pressure; Johanna's lips were fully against her own, the hand that was not gripping her jacket now cupping her under her ear.

Katniss was unsure of where to put her hands so she wrapped them around Johanna's sides and pulled them closer together as Johanna slid her tongue inside her mouth. The feeling of her tongue against her teeth and tongue made a shiver run from Katniss's face straight into her belly, then further south. These were entirely new feelings to her that seemed to awaken like a gasoline fire. If the first kiss had her seeing stars, this one was like a comet hurdling toward Earth.

With one final closed-mouth kiss Johanna pulled away from her and they searched each other's eyes for a moment. Everything seemed so preternaturally still in the meadow as they gazed into each other's eyes. Johanna's swollen lips curled into another smirk as she tucked errant strands of Katniss's hair behind her ear. "Now _that _felt like you meant it."

Johanna moved Katniss's legs so they were straight out and laid her body down in between her legs, placing her cheek on Katniss's thigh. She encircled her leg with her arms and snuggled into her body. Katniss was unnerved by how close Johanna was to her ...parts, but she ignored the feeling in favor of relishing their closeness."That's because I did."

She swept her hand through Johanna's hair, rubbing her scalp in small movements as she tried to lull Johanna into a sleep. She always looked so tired. Katniss practically had to remove the information forcibly from Gale but she finally uncovered that Johanna had been experiencing debilitating nightmares. It's why she didn't sleep, why she had the deep purple marks under her eyes, and why Katniss had just about forced her mother into agreeing to move.

It would be nice for Johanna's siblings to have a mother figure again, and more people looking out for them. Katniss had grown fond of John and she knew her mother had enjoyed tutoring little Celadine. And now Katniss felt she had a purpose too: help Johanna get through the night without succumbing to her nightmares.

And if this were to happen - this having Johanna sleeping soundly against her in a rare moment of vulnerability, and maybe more of her kissing - that sealed the deal quite well. However she didn't awaken Johanna to tell her about her plans to move in. It could wait. Right now she wanted to enjoy this small moment of peace.

* * *

><p>Author's note: sorry for the delay... I'm overworked and exhausted but y'all are so encouraging with your kind reviews and your tumblr messages that I was motivated to make sure I got this out. Thank you so so much for the support.<p> 


	5. Two Different Kinds of Fire

Johanna wrestled with nightmares, Gale wrestled with his newfound wealth. It was easy to put Posy and the boys in new clothes, to outfit his mother with the new home, to have hot water with the turn of a tap. It was not as easy to fill the hours of the day without waking up at the crack of dawn to hunt or work. The men from the mines, the ones he would get a pint of some terrible homemade liquor with, they were not as friendly any longer. They looked at him with the same masked anger he looked at the kids from the market district with before the arena. He couldn't blame them. He didn't blame them. He passed his time with the fiddle his prep team had forced on him, or getting drunk with Haymitch. Anything to ward off the notion that he was bereft of friends. Anything to ward off the nightmares. Anything to fight the feeling of survivor's guilt. With Katniss shacked up with Johanna, and both of them sequestered in Johanna's home, he barely saw them. He and Katniss went hunting every so often, and Johanna he saw in the middle of the night when she had nightmares, but as far as friendship he became reliant on Haymitch, which was to say, not very reliable at all.

He knocked on the door to Johanna's house, listening to the scurry of socked feet and the tumble of children as they rushed to the door. There were a few high-pitched, short shouts before Celadine threw the door open with a big grin on her face, Aurelia wearing a pout behind her. "Hi Gale! Are you here for 'Hanna?"

"And Katniss. Can you get them for me, please?" He shrugged the bows higher up on his shoulder while the girl enthusiastically nodded and whirled around, bounding up the steps. It was just before school would be starting for the kids, around dawn. He had left his house much earlier that day, going into the Hob to purchase black market bows of higher quality for he and Katniss to use.

John came around to the door, giving Gale a nod of acknowledgment. Gale smirked at the boy, dressed in pressed school clothes with his tightly cropped haircut and serious disposition. He was so studious, such a departure from Johanna, that it was amazing that they shared any DNA at all, other than looking exactly like her. Now that he could afford the barber, he wore his hair tight and high like the Peacekeepers, unlike his former messy curls that mimicked Johanna's. Speaking of, Johanna stumbled sleepily down the stairs, hair wild and voice thick with sleep. Her sleep shorts exposed her legs to the mild air of the living room, the top she had thrown on coming only an inch or two below her breasts. "Hawthorne, are you dying? Why are you here this early?"

Gale stepped inside the house, closing the door behind him. "Going to the woods. I know we don't need to anymore but uh... I can't be inside all day." His wide gray eyes conveyed comical desperation and Johanna smirked.

"Not loving your new talent?"

He glowered at her and tilted his forehead forward. "Enjoying yours?" He looked around at the various fabrics strewn around the room that Cinna had sent and Johanna had ignored. "Designing" is what they had told her would be her talent; mostly because Cinna took pity on her when she failed at every other skill. Prim and her sisters had taken up the other things they tried to teach her: sewing, the flute, painting. But Johanna was often too miserable to be creative. She could sing, but that was something she wouldn't do for the Capitol in a million years.

She shrugged dismissively. "Katniss is upstairs with Prim. I'll get her and we'll meet you at the fence." Gale stood still for a beat before nodding and leaving out the front door. Johanna groaned and whirled on her bare feet, smiling as she was met with Katniss coming down the stairs with Prim in tow.

"Johanna! You're awake." Prim smiled and hugged Johanna around her bare middle. Johanna used the hug to tuck in Prim's duck tail in the back of her shirt. Prim blushed as she pulled away, tossing a glance toward John, who was busy shining his school shoes. "Thanks. It's good to see you." Johanna's nightmares kept her up so often she had begun sleeping in the daytime like Haymitch. As such, she rarely saw Prim or her own siblings with any regularity. Luckily Celadine and Aurelia were too young to understand, and Prim and John were old enough to leave the issue alone.

"You too kid." Aurelia bounded to Johanna and leapt toward her. Johanna caught her in her arms and hoisted her up in her hip. "And what trouble are you getting into, little one?" She twirled her sister's curly blonde hair around her finger.

"I'm not gettin' into trouble!" Johanna pressed her forehead against her sister's and inhaled the sweet baby powder smell. She gave her an exaggerated, sloppy kiss on her cheek, eliciting a squeal of displeasure from the young girl who tried to squirm out of her arms. She pouted as Johanna put her down and she took off toward the kitchen.

Katniss watched on with a small smile on her face. These small pockets of normalcy were something she looked forward to and cherished, aside from how generally endearing it was to see Johanna unguarded and gentle with her siblings. It didn't help that Johanna was half dressed and tousled from sleep, making the heavy lead in her stomach rumble with desire. "Did you sleep okay?"

Johanna ran her fingers through her hair to tame the unruly locks and shrugged her shoulders. "As well as I can. You up for some woods?" Johanna avoided the word 'hunting.' She didn't entirely trust that the house was not bugged with Capitol microphones. Katniss nodded her head in agreement. "Cool, just let me get dressed and I'll be down in a second. After all the rug rats are gone."

True to her word Johanna came down just after all the kids had left for school, clad in a new leather jacket and a pair of old boots. Her light sweater clung to her torso and Katniss was taken aback at the immediate lightning it sent to her stomach and fingertips. She hadn't thought about how wanting to kiss Johanna, how wanting to comfort her, was a manifestation of being physically attracted to her. But the more time they spent together, the more nights she spent tangled in her warm body, the harder it was to control her burgeoning desire.

"Let's go, Kitty Kat." Katniss rolled her eyes at the nickname but Johanna threw her arm over her shoulder and led them both out into the slight wind that Autumn had brought with it.

Gale was waiting through the fence, patiently standing there with two bows over shoulders and two sets of quivers. His face was wiped clean of expression as Katniss and Johanna approached arm in arm, chuckling to each other. He handed the bow and quiver to Katniss wordlessly, and two matching tomahawks to Johanna. She gripped them uneasily in her palms and looped them into her hunting belt that slacked around her waist.

They stalked through the woods on quiet feet, enjoying the early morning stillness of the forest. All three of them were visibly more relaxed in the expanse of the outdoors, creeping through the trees, trying not to crunch the dead leaves underfoot. Gale held out his palm and both girls came to a stop. Only a few meters away there was a young buck grazing in the grass, blissfully unaware of their presence. Gale motioned for Katniss to shoot with him. Slowly they both stretched their bows taught, arrows straight. On a silent count of three they each released their arrows, sticking the buck in the neck and the heart, felling it instantly. From their short distance away Johanna could hear the squish of the arrows into flesh and her eyes went wide in horror.

She stumbled backward, tripping over some twigs and falling onto her butt. She scrambled toward a tree as visions of Cato getting torn by mutts, of Clove choking blood, of Thresh erupting into pieces filled her mind. Her ears pounded with each flash; she cupped her hands over her ears and pressed as hard as she could, rocking back and forth. Katniss was immediately at her side, but Johanna's gaze was faraway and she wasn't responsive to her cries. Gale rushed to her other side, waving his hand in front of her face and shaking her shoulder. "Stop doing that!" Katniss yelled.

"She's in shock. I'm trying to get her attention!" he snapped back at her. "You don't know how to help her! You don't know what she's going through."

Katniss scoffed at him, gray eyes squinted in anger, eyebrow raised in defiance. "And you're the expert on Johanna now? Why, because you've been sticking your tongue down her throat?"

Gale widened his eyes and stared hard at his friend. "No, Katniss, because I was there." His even tone made Katniss look down guiltily to Johanna. "I know what she's seeing because I see it too. I see it in my dreams every night." Johanna had stopped rocking and was now just staring blankly ahead. "Take her home. I'll bag the kill and take care of the weapons."

They pulled Johanna to her feet and Katniss wrapped her arm protectively around her waist. Gale shot her a look Katniss couldn't decipher and she turned away to lead Johanna back toward the village. Walking with her was almost like escorting a ghost; Johanna was unresponsive to her words, barely moving her limbs. Not to mention her skin was white as a sheet and it looked like she had lost all her blood. She steered Johanna inside the house, relinquishing her hold on her to find her mother.

Angrily she realized her mother had promised to go into town and help out the midwife of a woman with a difficult pregnancy, and she wouldn't be back until after dinner. When she retuned to the doorway, Johanna was gone. Panicked, she followed the creaking of the wooden floorboards upstairs until she found Johanna lying on her side in front of her fireplace inside her room, staring into the unlit logs. Her tomahawks were on the floor at her feet, her jacket slung over the edge of the bed. Her arms were wrapped around her as she stared into the brick hole in the wall, unmoving and eerily silent.

She stayed like that for four days.

Then one morning Katniss went into Johanna's bedroom to find her standing at her window, staring outside into the backyard. Katniss thought she finally looked focused and almost back to normal. She approached her by the window slowly, carefully, but noisily enough that Johanna knew she was there. She stood behind her, lifting and dropping her hand as the courage to touch Johanna came and fled from her body. Suddenly Johanna turned from the window and collapsed into her bed, shaking noiselessly with tears.

Katniss thought of all the things she wanted to do to the Capitol for what they had done to Johanna. For robbing her of the fire in her eyes she wanted to set the entire city ablaze. But she couldn't. One person can't affect that much change. She could, however, help repair this broken girl. And so she would, she firmed up in her mind as they lay in the bed together, Johanna attached to her tightly. She would bring Johanna back to life.

* * *

><p>Gale had warned Katniss about the nightmares. He had explained in his detached way - which felt almost more detached than before - that they tore Johanna from her sleep and made her call out in the darkness. He had told her how holding her in the night was the only way she slept. He didn't tell her how emotionally draining it would be. Maybe it wasn't for him. But it was for Katniss.<p>

Johanna's screams were loud. They echoed through Katniss's veins and gripped each of her blood cells tightly and didn't relent as they traveled to her heart and strangled it. They pushed her out of bed and down the hall to Johanna's bedroom with the same rapidity she used in school to win the sprinting competitions. The wild, unfocused look in Johanna's eyes when she'd wake her made Katniss's stomach twist; it looked nothing like the twinkle Johanna usually carried. Her entire countenance took on a feral state for a few moments until Katniss's hushed words and tight grip on her arms brought Johanna back to her. She hated having to do this to Johanna, but part of her adored the way Johanna would look so relieved to see her. Watching her eyes melt was the only part of the nightmare regimen that was even a little tolerable.

She'd wake up screaming for Gale sometimes, panicking until Katniss could convince her that they were home. Gale was safe. Some nights it was so bad Katniss would have to dress them both and brave the cold over to Gale's house so she could see him. He'd take Johanna in his arms and give Katniss a look over her shoulder. They didn't see each other much anymore. Keeping Johanna grounded meant keeping her away from the meadow where Gale spent most of his time now. They still ventured into the woods every now and then, but never to hunt. Only to be alone together, to escape the commotion of a house full of four kids under fifteen.

It was a funny thing, how the dynamic between the three of them had shifted over the course of a few months. Not really funny, Katniss mused, but rather tragic. Before the Games, she and Gale and she and Johanna were two separate entities. When they went hunting as a trio it was comfortable, but there was this undercurrent of awkwardness not a little bit due to the fact that they were all hiding their emotions under their jackets. Gale had feelings for her, she knew. Though she had all the right reasons to reciprocate, she never did. It was a source of some anxiety - when she wasn't starving or otherwise distracted by more pressing issues than romance - until the Games. Until she saw them kissing and knew, deep inside her bones, that she wanted to be the person making Johanna gasp like that. She didn't know where Gale would fit into that equation.

But when they came back, Gale was changed too. She never caught him looking longingly at her anymore. Instead his eyes were always on Johanna. The times they went hunting without her she was all he talked about, when he talked at all. Asking how she was, if her head had gotten any better, how she was eating, how the nightmares were. He and Johanna had always maintained a bond, Katniss had observed. They were cut from the same cloth emotionally. Unlike Katniss who could plaster a facade of indifference at any moment, Gale and Johanna wore their emotions on their faces. Usually. Johanna was a harder read than Gale, but Katniss recognized the same fire inside them both. Now, though, his concern for Johanna settled badly inside her stomach. She wasn't sure whether to chalk that up to jealousy or not, so she chose to ignore it. Maybe there was just an arena bond she'd never understand.

As Katniss rushed into Johanna's room after she heard another round of muffled cries, she sighed inwardly. Not out of exasperation, but out of sadness. Out of anger. Angry at the Capitol for thieving the best friend she ever had. Leaving this broken girl with debilitating nightmares that rendered her throat hoarse and her heartbeat too fast. Katniss entered the room to find Johanna thrashing in her sleep, pounding against the mattress with closed fists full of fabric.

She moved to the bed and tried to restrain Johanna's hands but she was unexpectedly strong. "No!" she shouted, bouncing on the bed to try and knock Katniss off of her. The brunette straddled Johanna's waist, taking her by the wrists and struggling to pin them to the mattress to prevent Johanna from hurting herself. In a swift move Johanna's eyes snapped open, knocked Katniss over onto her back and reversed their positions. The involuntary wave of arousal turned into fear as she stared up into Johanna's eyes. Her hands were gripping her wrists so hard the circulation to her fingers was being cut off. Her hair was wild around her eyes, a small dab of saliva on her lip giving her the look of a feral dog. Her breaths were coming out in harsh pants that rumbled in her chest.

For the first time in her life, Katniss was afraid of her. "Johanna?" she asked, ceasing her struggle against Johanna's vice grip. "Jo, it's just me. It's just Katniss." She tried to keep a steady voice but the venom in Johanna's eyes made her heart pound in her chest. Something latent inside her, something she never discussed with Johanna, bubbled to the surface as she saw the widely dilated pupils of her best friend stare at her like a stranger: She had watched Johanna kill someone. It created a nagging feeling of fear inside her chest that she dared not speak aloud. But now, at the mercy of Johanna's strength, it shot back up. Johanna was silent, holding her down and staring into her eyes. "Jo, please. You're hurting me."

Johanna shot backward as if Katniss had hit her with a spray of flames. She fell back on to her butt, scrambling away from Katniss and off the bed entirely. She stared down at her palms, hands shaking, then raked them through her hair, gripping the strands between her fingers tightly. She couldn't look at Katniss. Somehow her mind had placed Clove there, pinning her down and stabbing her thigh. The bed had become the arena. She could hear Katniss trying to mitigate her from the bed, but she could also see her rubbing her wrists. She had done that. She had put Katniss in pain and made that soft, wincing voice come out of her throat. She put that fear in her eyes.

Her hands gripped the edge of a wooden chair that sat in front of her desk and she hurled the furniture to the opposite wall with a grunt, splintering the wood and shattering it into pieces on the floor. Within a few moments someone pushed the door open and Johanna looked up as John slid into the room. He looked confusedly from Johanna panting to Katniss sitting up on the bed looking distraught. "It's fine John. Go back to bed."

The boy looked at his sister and nodded. He gave a glance to the broken chair and walked out, shutting the door behind him. "I can't fucking take this anymore. I'm a prisoner in my own mind." Johanna paced across the room. "I wish I had just died in the arena."

Katniss rose from the bed, taking Johanna by the hands, entwining their fingers. She gripped them tighter as Johanna tried to escape her grasp. She moved her head to follow Johanna's gaze until their eyes met. Leaning down, she pressed a soft kiss on Johanna's forehead and placed her chin against the right side of Johanna's head. "Please don't say that. Your family needs you. Twelve needs you." Her soft voice got immeasurably lower. "I need you."

How long had she waited to hear Katniss say those words? Now she was here, in her room, staring into her eyes. She wasn't the woman Katniss deserved, not anymore. "I can't." Johanna leaned into the contact. "I'm not strong enough." Her voice choked in her throat. It burned for her to say that. She had to be strong. For her siblings. For everyone. Everyone was counting on her. There was no time for weakness.

Anger flared inside Katniss's stomach. Her hands shook off Johanna's and she placed them on either side of her face. "You're the strongest, bravest person I know. And if you ever don't feel strong enough, I'll be your strength. Always."

"Don't make that promise. I can't give you anything in return." Johanna dropped her gaze to the ground. Katniss wanted nothing more than to press her lips against Johanna's and alleviate some of the pain she was feeling. Gale was right, she didn't know how else to help. She hadn't been there. She hadn't killed anyone.

Even now, with her dreams stolen from her and her consciousness plagued, Johanna was concerned for her. She managed to intone care in spite of just having screamed louder than Katniss had ever heard anyone scream who wasn't dying. "Do you want me to stay?"

Most nights, nearly all nights, Katniss would crawl into bed with her and hold her until she fell asleep. Some nights she'd go to leave and Johanna would make her stay. This look of pure vulnerability and helplessness would come into her eyes and Katniss knew she couldn't leave. Truth be told, she didn't want to leave. Other nights Johanna would nod and grunt her assent and Katniss would regretfully leave the room.

Johanna shook her head. "Just get out."

The coldness of her tone made Katniss take a step backward. Johanna had been moody since birth but the way she looked, like she had switched off her emotions, made Katniss look up in surprise. "No."

Johanna raised her eyebrows. "It wasn't a question."

Katniss shrugged. "That's too bad. I'm not leaving so you can sit here and stew in your anger and self-loathing."

Johanna's mahogany eyes darkened considerably. "You don't owe me anything." She paced over to the window, placing her palms on the sill and hunching over.

Katniss balked, crossing the room to Johanna and forcibly whirling her around to face her. "Is that why you think I'm here? A debt?"

Johanna nodded. "Prim," she replied. "Because I volunteered for Prim." Off Katniss's disbelieving stare she rolled her eyes. "C'mon, like I don't know you well enough to know you hate owing people." Johanna's eyes dropped embarrassedly to the floor. "And you're a sucker for someone in pain." Though she deserved her pain it still made her feel embarrassingly weak to constantly need a midnight babysitter. It was always welcome to be near Katniss, but it wounded her pride.

Katniss blinked a few times at Johanna's perception. A sucker for someone in pain? It _did_ take the stress and agony of the arena for her to suss out her feelings for Johanna and Gale. It was no mystery that she had grown closer to Johanna as a result of making it her mission to see her through the nightmares. But that's not all this was. "I'm not just a bleeding heart."

Johanna shook her head. "I know that. I'm just saying that I get you. I know you. You feel obligated to help me, just like I felt obligated to volunteer for Prim."

Katniss reached behind her and switched on Johanna's bedside lamp, then brought her steely gaze back to the other girl. "You say that but Jo, I could have volunteered for her. It didn't have to be you."

"Yes it did," Johanna countered softly. Katniss felt a thrill in her stomach as Johanna's brown eyes bored into her own. There was a quality there that she couldn't identify, but made her stomach turn and created a sensation between her legs she only faintly recognized. "I couldn't live with myself if I had let you or Prim go into that arena. She's too young and you're -" Johanna cut herself off, pursing her lips as she searched for the right phrase. A less revealing phrase. "You're too important to me."

They hadn't kissed since that day in the woods though Katniss's lips ached for it. Especially now, with Johanna swathed in moonlight and saying these soft, brave things to her, she wanted to kiss her. But she felt like Johanna should make the first move. She had been so upset at the forced lovers scheme with Gale that Katniss didn't want to add any other romantic pressure on her.

"And you're important to me. So let me help you," Katniss pleaded, placing her hand on Johanna's waist.

Johanna stared at her in silence for a few long moments. Finally her eyes traveled up to Katniss's. "You were scared of me." It wasn't an accusation. It was almost like an admittance of defeat. "I went into that arena to protect you. To protect Prim. And now I'm the danger."

Katniss looked down at her wrists which were red and inflamed. Yes, it that split second she had been afraid of Johanna. She was afraid of how unhinged from reality she had become. However, she swore to bring Johanna back and she would. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Maybe you should be."

Katniss rolled her eyes hard. "Let's just go to bed." Johanna wiggled her eyebrows and Katniss blushed and pinched her elbow. "Pervert."

They settled into Johanna's plush mattress and Katniss wrapped her arms around Johanna tightly. She felt Johanna's fingers begin to slowly massage her wrists in small circles. "Not afraid I'll kill you tonight?" Johanna half-joked in a whisper, prompting Katniss to encircle her tighter and place a gentle kiss on her neck. She paused, waiting to see if Johanna reacted but she only felt her shudder.

She smiled. "Like I couldn't take you."

* * *

><p>Johanna collected a deep breath of the cold air that hurt her lungs and pushed it upward. The sky was obscured by puffy gray clouds that had overtaken 12 that morning, dropping tiny flakes of snow on Johanna's scarf and eyelashes. She blinked them out of her eyes as she traversed the edge of the woods. Today she walked alone near the meadow which was quiet with no game. She made no attempt to quiet her steps in the snow as she got closer to the electrical fence that ceased to hum. She went under the small hole they had made in the barrier and began the short trek back to the Victor's Village. The cameras would be there soon for the Victory Tour, the prep team was probably already at the house. Johanna had, of course, not paid any attention to their wishes for her to keep up with her appearance. She hadn't picked out a talent. She hadn't done anything they'd asked her to.<p>

When she got back into the house Katniss was there to greet her, weirdly chipper with a huge grin on her face. "Johanna!" She hugged the girl and pressed her lips near her ear. Johanna tried not to swoon. "President Snow is in the office," she whispered lowly. She pulled back and took Johanna's scarf from her. "How was your walk?"

"Walk? More like ice skating," Johanna replied with a small smile. Mrs. Everdeen appeared uneasily in the doorway with a sharply dressed man at her side. She smiled at her. "Hi Mrs. E."

"This way please, Miss Mason," the man directed, cutting in front of the blonde woman and tugging Johanna along by the arm. They reached the office and he shut the door behind her, leaving Johanna alone in the room with President Snow. It reminded her of something she remembered her father telling her about when he'd wax poetic stories before bedtime. The tale of strong men in a large ...what he did call it? Johanna squeezed her eyes shut as President Snow motioned for her to sit. Colosseum! A man versus a lion, poised to fight each other to the death. She felt like the gladiator, unarmed and waiting for the inevitable death via the teeth of a lion.

"Please sit down, Miss Mason." Johanna opened her eyes and he was still there, gazing at her through his intense blue gaze. Johanna followed his instructions and sat down in the chair opposite him. "I think we'll make this situation a lot simpler by agreeing not to lie to each other. What do you think?"

"I think that would save some time."

President Snow smirked a little and tapped his fingers on the desk. "My advisors were concerned you would be difficult, but you're not planning on being difficult, are you?"

Johanna clenched her jaw. "No."

"That's what I told them. I said any girl who goes to such lengths to preserve her life isn't going to be interested in throwing it away with both hands. And then there's her family to think of. Her brother, her sisters, her boyfriend.. her _friends_." Johanna furrowed her eyebrows. What friends? "I have a problem, Miss Mason. A problem that began when you defied the rules of the Game. If the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, had any brains he would've blown you to dust right then. But he had an unfortunate sentimental streak. So here you are. Can you guess where he is?"

"Dead," Johanna replied. No need to mince words. It's not like the Capitol was famous for kindness.

President Snow nodded his head. "Quite. So there was nothing to do but let you play out your little scenario. And you were pretty good, too, with the love-crazed schoolgirl bit. The people in the Capitol were quite convinced. Unfortunately, not everyone in the districts fell for your act."

Johanna raised an eyebrow and sat back into the chair. "The districts?"

"This of course, you don't know. You have no access to information about the mood in other districts. In several of them, however, people viewed your little act on the cornucopia as an act of defiance, not an act of love. And if a girl from District Twelve of all places can defy the Capitol and walk away unharmed, what is to stop them from doing the same?" he said with a cold calm. "What is to prevent, say, an uprising?"

Johanna bit her lower lip to suppress the coming of a smirk. Uprisings. The thought was equal parts elating and chilling. "There have been uprisings?"

"Not yet. But they'll follow if the course of things doesn't change. And uprisings have been known to lead to revolution." President Snow rubbed a spot over his left eyebrow, the very spot where Johanna herself got headaches. "Do you have any idea what that would mean? How many people would die? What conditions those left would have to face? Whatever problems anyone may have with the Capitol, believe me when I say that if it released its grip on the districts for even a short time, the entire system would collapse."

Johanna, in spite of the tension and gravity of the situation, chuckled. "Must be a pretty fragile system if two kids from the Seam can bring it down with a few words."

President Snow leaned in his chair. "It's a fragile system, but not in the way you suppose." He clasped his hands in front of him. "And let's not diminish the power of words, Miss Mason. The pen is mightier than the sword, so to speak. Of course, where words fail, action speaks."

"And you think the districts would just turn on each other?" she asked incredulously.

He shook his head. "No, no. They would turn on the Capitol, of course. But they would do irreparable damage to each other in the process, just as they did. Look at District Thirteen."

"Seems like a small price to pay. I'd gladly ruin a few districts if that meant no more Games," Johanna answered honestly.

President Snow chuckled. "And when the axe came into the woods, many of the trees said, 'At least the handle is one of us.'"

Johanna opened her mouth to respond when the door creaked opened behind her. "Her mother wants to know if you want some tea?"

"What, from the grave?" Johanna immediately retorted, turning her head to stare down the man in the suit. President Snow chuckled and nodded his head.

"Please tell her yes, I'd like some tea very much." Johanna scowled at the man as she turned back to President Snow, crossing her arms over her chest. He brought his eyes back to her. "Sorry about that. And I am sorry about your mother, and your father."

Johanna scoffed. "Can't exactly raise three kids on your sorries. I guess that's what the Games are for, right? So I can take care of my orphaned siblings?"

"And your friends." As he said it, Katniss emerged into the room with a small tray of cookies and tea steaming in two cups. Her eyes never left Snow's as she approached the table and set it down. "Miss Everdeen, thank you."

"My mother asked me to ask if you wanted anything else. She said she could cook something more substantial." For a moment, just a fleeting moment, her eyes met Johanna's. Snow caught it and shook his head.

"No, this couldn't be more perfect. Thank you." Katniss's eyes narrowed before she left the room, closing the door gently behind her. President Snow sipped the tea, picking up one of the cookies and examining it in his hand. "Did Mrs. Everdeen make these cookies?"

Johanna shook her head. "No, I think Prim did. She and Posy sometimes take lessons from Peeta Mellark, the boy whose family runs the bakery."

"Prim," he repeated, raising a puffy white eyebrow. "That's the young girl you volunteered for, isn't it?" Johanna nodded her head. "And Posy is Mr. Hawthorne's youngest sibling." Johanna nodded again. "How is the love of your life?"

Johanna's jaw tightened again, her teeth gritting against each other. "He's fine."

President Snow chuckled and took a sip of the tea Katniss had provided. "Is he? Have you seen him much? Seems to me you're much more content to spend time with his 'cousin.'" Johanna's mouth opened and closed without a word. "How's his pretty cousin?" Johanna's fingers clenched the edge of the seat and Snow's eyes darted down to her white knuckles, then back up to her eyes. "Speak, Miss Mason. Her I can easily kill off if we don't come to a happy resolution. You aren't doing her any favors by sneaking off into the woods with her."

The woods. Where they hunted illegally and said treasonous things about the Capitol. Where Johanna had kissed Katniss underneath the tree, in one of the only happy moments she'd had since coming back. Her eyes slowly dragged upward from the desk. "Please don't hurt Katniss. She's my friend. That's all... that's all that's between us."

He waved his hand with the cookie in it. "I'm only interested in how it affects your dynamic with Gale, thereby affecting the mood of the districts."

Johanna mused on that for a moment. "So if I can convince the districts that Gale and I are in love, you won't hurt Katniss?"

"Don't you have a brother? Two young sisters?" The question was hypothetical, Johanna knew. He must have seen them on the interview they did. She nodded. "Your concern isn't for them? Their safety?"

"If you killed them, Panem would know. Then you'd have the real uprisings. You can kill me, arrange some accident, but them?" Johanna leaned forward. "If you touched them I'd personally make sure this entire fucking country went down in flames and you were the pyre." Johanna rose from her chair. "You don't get to come into my home and threaten my family, my friends. I did as you asked. I won the stupid game. I kissed Gale more times than I care to remember. How is it my fault the districts are in uprising? Smart money would bet on that being because of the little girl that got killed in that arena, not us."

President Snow dabbed his lips with his napkin and rose from the chair. "That little girl is dead, Miss Mason. You are alive. And though you're young, you've lived enough to know that sometimes survival is the biggest burden of them all." He moved around the desk, stopping next to Johanna. "Convince the districts you are in love. Convince me. Because Miss Mason?" He placed a small metal cylinder on the desk and pressed a button and it lit up and sounded a high-pitched electronic noise. He leaned in close, filling Johanna's nostrils with the scent of blood. "I saw the kiss."

Behind him the image of her pulling Katniss into a kiss played on repeat.

* * *

><p>Johanna emerged from the room with her mouth still open in shock. The President's car had gone away several minutes earlier, and the hustle and bustle of the prep team had been outside her door from the moment its engine was in the distance. They descended on her with a chorus of well-meaning but rather mean-spirited things about her appearance. Her nails were bitten down, her eyebrows in disarray, her skin dirty from her walk outside. You'd have thought she had slit a throat in front of them.<p>

Katniss buzzed around the outside of them but there was no time for them to talk. Johanna needed to talk to her. To tell her what Snow said. To warn her to watch for anything suspicious in the district. That the woods were not safe. That the districts were in uprising. That he had seen them kiss and quite possibly knew she was in love with her. Maybe she'd leave out that last part.

The rest of the day moved too quickly. Saying good-bye to her brother and sisters, not saying good-bye to Katniss, the cameras swooping in on every kiss she and Gale forced out. The empty stares Gale gave her. Everything moved too fast for Johanna to make sense of until the train had left 12 in the distance. Finally life slowed down enough for Johanna to change into something comfortable and force down a sweet roll.

A fuel stop brought the train to a halt and Johanna wrangled Haymitch from within the chosen cave of his bedroom. The blast of snow that hit them both as they left the train made Johanna shiver without her jacket on. Haymitch seemed unperturbed by the cold, but the alcohol probably left him warm.

"Snow came to see me," Johanna blurted out, looking up at her blond mentor. "He told me that - that I have to be in love with Gale. That I have to convince him that we're in love. That if I don't... he'll kill everyone. The districts.. the districts are uprising and I can't do this."

Haymitch paused for a few moments, looking out into the frozen fields beyond them. "Then you must do this."

"But we're not good at this!" Johanna shot back. "Gale won't even talk to me. And we have to get through this trip, otherwise-"

"It's not just this trip." Haymitch hefted a sigh. "This train never stops, Johanna. Every year from here on out, you two will be mentors. Your Games revisited, your romance checked in on. You'll never be able to do anything but live happily ever after with that boy."

Wide set brown eyes enlarged in understanding, and horror. They made their way back into the train car as Johanna's mind ran faster than the train itself. Marry Gale. Be mentors. No private life. Have his kids. The kids will get reaped, no doubt. Watch own children die. No, Johanna thought to herself. No. One of the few freedoms they have in 12 is the freedom to marry or not marry. To be with whomever you choose. Her heart was not something they were going to take away from her. She opened the door to Gale's room without knocking. "We need to talk."

Gale looked up at her and nodded, motioning for her to close the door. She sat down on the edge of the bedspread and folded her leg underneath her. "Is everything okay?"

"No." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Snow paid me a visit. Told me that if you and I didn't convince the districts we were in love then he would come after our families." Gale compressed his lips in thought. "The districts are in uprising. Or almost."

His gray eyes went wide. "Really? Johanna that's incredible."

"Yeah it is. And we can help." He raised an eyebrow and Johanna smirked. "We don't do this anymore. No more kissing. No more fucking pretending for the Capitol. We present ourselves as rebels. Or at least, as people unable and unwilling to stop this."

Gale mused on Johanna's enthusiastic idea. "And if he comes for our families?"

"How could he? Panem loves them. You saw the interviews. They're more well liked than we are." Gale scrunched his mouth in agreement. "This could be it. We could do it. If you can keep your hands to yourself." She winked at Gale who frowned at her in response.

"I'll manage if you will." Johanna smacked him in the bicep and then pulled him into a tight hug. He cradled her closely, closing his eyes into the embrace. Johanna got up and left his room, excited at the prospect of rebellion. Of being strong. Of being brave.

* * *

><p>Haymitch and Effie were not pleased. Gale's speech in 11, which included an apology to their families and a promise of their winnings, incited a riot. In each district they apologized. They spoke on the unfairness of the Games. They made no mention of their romance. Nearly all the districts, except for the Career ones, ended in the three-fingered salute. Several ended in deaths. Each day was filled with apologies, promises of change. Each night was filled with nightmares and anxiousness, waiting for Snow to bomb their train into oblivion.<p>

Two was the hardest for Johanna. Clove's district. The only person she had killed with her own hand. That night blood drenched her dreams. She felt like she was drowning in it. It was raining on her, filling her mouth and ears until she choked. She woke up with a start, straight up in bed, gasping for air. Gale barged into the room.

"I'm fine," she dismissed, taking in deep breaths that Mrs. Everdeen had said might help. Gale was unconvinced and entered the room, shutting the door behind him. He crossed to her bed and laid next to her, maneuvering underneath the blankets. "I said I'm fine."

"You're a good liar, Johanna. But not with me. I know better." They laid together in silence, listening to each other breathe. "It's because of Clove, isn't it?"

Johanna nodded. "I can see her. I watch the blood spurt from her mouth. The pure, complete panic in her eyes. It's like... Everyone expects to die. Especially the tributes, we knew. But she was still surprised. It's like I could see her life flashing before her eyes. Her sadness that she wasn't going to see another moment."

Tears began spilling from her eyes and soaking her pillow. Gale moved backward and pressed Johanna's shoulder down gently so she would face him. "We are going to change things, Jo. We will make sure her death wasn't in vain. That all of them, that they get the honor they deserve."

"The dead don't care about honor," Johanna choked out between light sobs.

"We care _for_ them. We honor their memories." He placed his hand on her cheek. "We can do this." Johanna was still upset, her breathing irregular and short. Gale leaned down, and after searching her eyes briefly, pressed his lips against hers.

It quieted her crying as her lips moved almost automatically with his. Kissing Gale was comfortable, safe. It settled her stomach. It did not ignite a fire in her veins like Katniss did. He moved half on top of her, deepening their kiss with his tongue massaging hers. He tasted like smoked caramel, Johanna thought. Things quickly got wet and warm between them, her hands roaming the muscular expanse of his back as he moved his hands beneath her shirt. He pushed her shirt up toward her neck, running his lips over her stomach and ribcage. His strong, rough hunter's hands pressed against her breasts, causing her to arch her back and squeeze her eyes shut. Her fingers grasped the hem of his shirt and tore it off of him, tossing it aside.

He brought his lips back to hers for more long, languid kissing. Something about what they were doing didn't feel right, though it should have. His thigh was pressed against her center and she could feel the moisture between her legs. When she opened her eyes their gazes caught and Johanna suddenly felt all the warmth and arousal leave her body. There was something in Gale's stare that made her hesitate. Desire. Affection. He noticed her body cease to move and paused. "We don't have to do this. I mean, it doesn't have to mean anything."

"But it does to you, doesn't it?" He furrowed his brows quizzically. "This." She motioned between them. "This would mean something to you."

Gale sighed, dropping his forehead down and bringing his bottom lip between his teeth. "I don't know." He rolled off of her and she pulled her shirt back down, feeling silly and indecent. "I don't know what to think anymore."

"It's probably not right to do this if we're both thinking of the same person."

Gale's eyes shot up. "I wouldn't be thinking about Katniss." He released a deep sigh, falling on to his back. "Maybe a few months ago, but now... It doesn't matter though, does it? You feel like this would be a betrayal. You love her."

Johanna looked across the room toward her dresser. Her mind conjured up an image of Katniss, sitting with her in the meadow, running her fingers through Johanna's hair. She had always known Katniss was beautiful, she had thought so since she was in kindergarten and Johanna was in first grade. The unfortunate luck of both having lost their fathers was the string of fate that tied them together. Gale fit seamlessly into their friendship and they had a good thing going for a few years. After her mother died she saw less of them, the jealousy bubbling up inside her. She had felt that she and Gale were always competing for Katniss's attention. Not that they'd ever discuss it, but that feeling never left. Even though every night Katniss would return to her bed and hold her through the night, she often smelled of the woods. A little like smoke. Like Gale. "I do love you. Doesn't hurt that you're not the ugliest guy this side of the slag heap." Gale snorted in humor. "But I've always loved her. And you've always known. And you've always loved her, too."

"That I have. Even if she's been painfully oblivious of it. But you're both guilty of that." Johanna tossed a glare at him and he rolled his eyes. "Jo, come on. The way she dotes on you. Spending every night with you. She loves you."

Johanna scoffed. "You know Katniss. She's only there because I'm in pain. Because she thinks she's owes me for Prim. She doesn't love me like I love her. Besides, even if she did, what can I offer but a life of misery and nightmares? A life of never knowing if she'll wake up with my hands around her neck."

Gale got off the bed, picking up his shirt and pulling it back on. "I've spent a long time watching Katniss. If she looked at me for one second the way she looks at you..." He shook his head, scratching his cropped brown hair. "Nevermind. Good night, Johanna."

"'Night Gale."

* * *

><p>The tour ends with an interview with Caesar, then an opulent party at the president's mansion. As the prep team dolled Johanna up for the cameras she caught the eye of Cinna, pleading for a moment alone. Their chatter, mostly about the tour and the possible exciting process of rebellion - which for them meant more televised entertainment - made her even more nervous. Without the guise of being lovers, they had a lot to explain. They were exposed. Cinna was on a short list of people Johanna trusted, especially within the confines of the Capitol.<p>

Once the team had shuffled out, Johanna let out a long breath. "The birds are always circling," he said under his breath, lifting his eyebrows at her. "But the mockingjays are circling now too." He affixed the pin to her dress. "Because of you."

"They weren't supposed to exist," Johanna replied. "I don't want to remind anyone of any bad memories."

He sighed, straightening her necklace then placing one hand in each of her shoulders. "Sometimes, to move forward, we must acknowledge our past and learn from it. Evolve, just as the mockingjays have." He leaned forward to give her a hug, smelling of lemongrass. "Be brave, Mockingjay. I'm still betting on you."

Haymitch and Gale entered the room and Cinna looked over to them. "Didn't you see the sign?" Johanna asked with a smirk, looking at them in the reflection of the mirror. "No boys allowed." She looked over at Cinna. "Except you."

Hatmitch snickered and nodded his head. "Yeah yeah. May we have a minute alone with the Mockingjay?" Cinna kissed Johanna on the cheek and retreated silently. They smiled at him until the door clicked closed behind him, then Haymitch's face dropped. "Okay. Since you both have elected to ignore my warning, then we have to do as little damage as possible."

Johanna snorted. "Why? What's he going to do? Kill us on national television?"

"Do you think a man that has watched happily as 23 kids die each year on national television cares about two troublemakers from the Seam?" He stepped closer to Johanna. "Let me make it real simple for you sweetheart. There is no reason for Snow to keep Katniss alive now. I would be surprised if she's not hanging from a tree when we get back." Johanna surged to attack Haymitch but Gale grabbed her by the shoulders. She jerked against him like a dog on a leash, her teeth gritted together tightly. "I'm not the enemy, kid."

Johanna shook Gale off and turned around, pressing her fingers to her forehead where the nugget of headache was forming. "So what do we do? We can't take back the tour. I wouldn't. I won't."

"I don't know what they've planned. Nobody would let me in on any of the questions. Caesar won't try to leave you hanging but he's under their payroll. He's one of them too, no matter how pleasant he seems." Haymitch took his flask from his hip and stole a quick nip. "Just be careful. Try not to be too incendiary."

Gale and Johanna entered the stage together from the side, hand in hand. The audience went wild, deafening Johanna temporarily with the noise. Caesar led them to their seats, giving Johanna a hug that smelled like flowers. Not roses like Snow, but something more pleasant. Springtime. Lillies.

They began with innocuous talk about seeing the districts; Gale had liked 4, Johanna enjoyed 7. They discussed the new lives they were adjusting to of celebrity and wealth, touched briefly on their new talents. Then, they dug into the tour itself. "Now I think it's safe to say you two have had the strangest tour we've ever seen in Panem." Caesar chuckled good-naturedly. "But we didn't know what to expect with two victors. It was unprecedented!"

"We didn't know what to expect either," Gale volleyed with a small smile, looking to Johanna. They steered clear of any real contact except for her hand in his. "It was very emotional."

"Your speech in Eleven was touching to us all. How you honored that little girl who lost her life. Right folks? Not a dry eye in the Capitol." Caesar placed his hand on his heart and many in the audience echoed the sentiment.

Johanna's fingers flexed and gripped Gale tightly. They weep for her now, but how many of them had placed bets on her death? How many slept through it? "It was nice to at least have each other. And the support of the districts."

Caesar nodded and waited out the applause. "Johanna, for you, was Two the most difficult?" On the large screen Johanna watched the death of Clove again from the detached perspective of the camera. She swallowed down bile in her throat. "It's a good thing you two have each other to lean on. However - and I hope you don't mind my saying - you don't look as close as you did when you were here last. Trouble in paradise?"

They exchanged a look and Gale shook his head. "Jo and I were never a couple. We lied to everyone to keep each other alive." Gasps rippled through the audience and Caesar looked between them apprehensively. "We love each other, of course. She's my best friend and I wanted to protect her with my life. That's why we refused to kill each other. For friendship. For principle."

Caesar sighed and sat back in his plush chair, placing his fingers on his blue painted lips. "Well I have to say you were very convincing. We all saw two people in love, didn't we folks?" People the audience shouted their agreement, and Gale tightened his grip on Johanna's hand. "And that didn't stop when you left the arena."

Above their heads, played on the screen larger than any they had ever seen, was their coming home party. The check-in they had recorded in the midst of winter, when Cinna had dropped off all of Johanna's "talent" for her. But then... video of her sobbing into Gale's arms in the middle of the night on his doorstep. Katniss cut out of the frame. A few of them taking walks around 12 together, hand in hand. And then...

Johanna's room on the train. The two of them kissing. The pair looking very much like they were about to have sex, cut right before Gale stopped.

The audience whooped and hollered and some began standing up and shouting at them. People even fainted. Johanna felt the panic begin working through her veins. Of course there were cameras in the bedrooms. Snow had probably heard her plan to incite rebellions. Haymitch was right, that they would be lucky if Katniss was alive when they got back. And if she was...what she just saw... Caesar calmed the audience down and turned to them, both flushed red with embarrassment and anger.

This was how Snow was going to defeat them. Not with violence. With words. By painting them as liars. "Now you don't owe me an explanation for that, but I'm sure the folks at home would like to understand."

Gale abruptly stood up and yanked Johanna up with him. "If they want to understand what it's like to live our lives, then they can get reaped into the arena and find out for themselves!"

* * *

><p>Johanna was sure that everyone in 12 was dead. They had just admitted to duping the Capitol and by proxy, admitted to inciting rebellions, stormed off the stage during a mandatory Capitol interview, and got caught being "friendly" on the train. People in the Capitol were beside themselves to get a picture with them as they walked through the party. They were congratulated on their Games, on their speeches, even on their stage performance. Person after person with their gaudy outfits and abhorrent personalities touching them, smiling at them.<p>

Finally after about two hours of this, they snuck off into a corner to eat and be alone. Johanna gnawed on the same cinnamon-flavored cookie for the five minutes they stood in the corner, fingers shaking. "Johanna." She continued to stare at the pastry in her hand, examining it. "Johanna look at me." Finally chestnut eyes flicked up to meet the soft gaze of Gale. "I'm sorry about the train. I never should've -" He looked away, toward the crowd, then back to her. "You're worried about Katniss."

"I'm worried about everyone, Gale. We were - I was so stupid, thinking we could help them. We can't do anything. We can only make things worse for everyone we love." Gale shook his head in disagreement. "You're not worried about your family?"

"I'm worried about the families who can't leave." Johanna furrowed her brow in confusion. "Our families - yours, the Everdeens, mine - they can escape. They can live out in the woods. Maybe find the ruins of District 13, I don't know. We could make it. But those families we saw in Eleven? In Eight? They can't." He stepped closer to her. "We have an opportunity here that has never, ever been presented to anyone, victor or not. The difference we could make, that you could make."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You're the Mockingjay, right? The dress, the pin, the attitude. People listen to you. They like what you represent - a girl from the poor District making good, taking on the Capitol."

"Then they should like you too."

Gale shrugged. "And I'm sure they do. But you're the image. As long as you live, as long as you stay strong, this -" His eyes darted around the room. "This fight is far from over. It's only just begun." He took Johanna's hand and turned the cookie over. Just barely visible, in the light sprinkle of cinnamon that flowed through the cookie, the baker imprinted the mockingjay into the sugar.

* * *

><p>The dinner at the Mayor's house went well on their return, though Katniss was conspicuously absent, but alive. Prim and her mother were there, as well as all the Hawthornes and Masons. Celadine and Aurelia chatted animatedly but quietly about their plan to visit the Hob for the first time after the Harvest Festival was over. Posy showcased the cookies she had learned to bake. John and Prim avoided each other's eyes. Madge of course, dodged Johanna's every question about Katniss's whereabouts. Everything seemed normal.<p>

The day after the Harvest Festival, after the Capitol had cleared out and 12 resumed its normal misery, Madge found Johanna walking around the square. Her mockingjay pin was on her scarf, glinting in the late afternoon sun. Madge took it between her fingers and smiled. "I gave this to Katniss before the reaping." Johanna had never really been close to Madge; her attitude toward her ping-ponged between Gale's hated and Katniss's sympathy. "I was surprised to see you wearing it in the arena."

"Do you want it back?" Johanna asked genuinely.

Madge chuckled and shook her long, blonde hair. She had that wealthy look about her, like Prim and Aurelia. Light eyes and light hair, cherubic cheeks. In spite of being one of the prettier girls in Twelve, Johanna never saw her with a date or even in a circle of girls. Katniss was one of the only people she ever talked to. "Of course not. I gave it to her for good luck, but you needed it more than she did." Johanna nodded in understanding, and Madge's hand fell from the pin. She gave a look around with her sky blue eyes and then narrowed them at Johanna. "Have you ever heard them sing?"

The woods. Katniss. Sleeping on her as she sang to the mockingjays. Perhaps the exact moment she fell in love with her best friend. "Yes."

"Katniss told me that she heard them once out in the woods." A woman selling towels and loudly shouting their price neared them both and Madge leaned in to Johanna's ear. "She likes to go there. She went there when you were gone." When she pulled away to look at Johanna, her meaning was unmistakeable. Katniss was in the woods.

Shortly after, Johanna grabbed a small backpack and headed out into the woods. Their normal meeting spot by their tree was clearly untrustworthy, and as Johanna approached with no Katniss in sight, she must've somehow known it too. Johanna continued on toward the lake where they had spent some time and as she got closer, saw the flicker of orange and yellow inside the abandoned cement hut that was still standing only a few yards from the lake. Someone long ago must've built it and due to the rock, it survived even the Dark Days.

The raven-haired girl flung her backpack on the ground as she got inside, immediately feeling the warmth of the hearth. Katniss didn't even look up at her, she merely stared into the flames, unmoved. Johanna wanted to begin one thousand apologies. But for what? For kissing Gale? She and Katniss weren't in any sort of relationship. Katniss hadn't made one move toward her since kissing her in the woods. For the rebellion? She wasn't sorry about that.

So she stood next to the fire, peeling off her jacket as the heat soaked through her and made it superfluous. The minutes became agonizingly long as they both stared into the flames. Katniss suddenly shot up from her crouched position near the fire and walked to Johanna, forcing her back against the cement. Her hands went to each side of her neck and she pulled her in for a kiss.

Johanna's knees wobbled and she latched on to Katniss's waist for support. This kiss was totally unlike the one they had when she had returned. Katniss's fingers tangled in her hair, deepening their kiss with plunges of her apple-tasting tongue. Tiny gasps of pleasure leaked from Johanna's mouth in the quick moments she paused for breath. Johanna's mind swam so groggily that she didn't even notice Katniss pull away until a few seconds after. Her eyes stayed shut and her breathing remained irregular. Her lungs burned for a moment as they regained their breath.

When her eyes finally fluttered open, she was staring into the hard face of her friend. "Is it the same?"

Johanna blinked. "What?" she asked breathlessly.

Katniss narrowed her eyes, her lips in a firm line of impatience. "When you kiss us, is it the same?" Her arms crossed over her chest. She didn't know what had come over her, but seeing Johanna had unleashed something inside her she didn't know she possessed. The reserve of anger from seeing Johanna and Gale in bed had simmered for the day or so in between the broadcast and she couldn't help how it overflowed upon seeing her again.

"No," came Johanna's very slow reply. She wasn't sure how to react. Being kissed by Katniss made her feel like she had mainlined morphling. "It's different." Katniss's forehead came to rest on hers as they leaned against the side of the building, her arms wrapped around Johanna's waist. "Snow threatened to have you killed."

Katniss moved away to look her in the eyes, but held firmly to the small of Johanna's back. "What? Why?"

"Because he saw us kiss in the woods. Because he knows that you live with me. And he wasn't convinced that Gale and I were in love and - and the districts are in uprising and he thinks he's my fault."

Katniss's gray eyes became huge. "The districts are in uprising? What does that mean? Like riots?"

Johanna nodded. "He didn't say specifically, but yeah. We were supposed to use the tour to calm them but, I can't. This is the opportunity we've all been waiting for and I want the districts to be brave enough to take it. So we had to be brave too. That's why we said what we said during the speeches. Why we told everyone we aren't a couple." Katniss's eyes fell to their torsos where they were pressed against each other. Her eyes flashed with the small peek of Johanna's skin she had seen on the television when the Capitol had played the video. "What happened on the train..."

"You don't owe me an explanation, Johanna."

"You're right, I don't. But I will give one to you anyway." Johanna sighed, tucking Katniss's hair behind her ear. "I was having nightmares and Gale came in to help. I was upset because I thought we couldn't make a difference, that even if we did Snow would kill everyone here. He was trying to calm me down and ...well, I don't know."

A pregnant pause filled the room. "Did you?"

"No," Johanna replied rapidly. "We stopped. I stopped him. It didn't feel right." Katniss let out a long sigh and nuzzled her head in between Johanna's neck and shoulder. She felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

"Good," she whispered softly into Johanna's neck.

Johanna smirked and cupped Katniss's cheek, pulling her away enough to see her face. "Good?" She raised an eyebrow and Katniss nodded firmly. She pressed their foreheads together once more and her breath washed over Johanna as she spoke.

"You are mine. And I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable." Johanna blinked a few times in surprise before fervently pushing her lips against Katniss's. The fire in her belly was stronger than the one at their feet as she spun them around and pressed Katniss tightly against the wall, holding their bodies together as closely as she could.

"You are mine. And I am yours," Johanna repeated in between breaths, moving her lips to Katniss's ear, then down the side of her neck with slow, wet kisses. Katniss gripped onto her like she was drowning, bracing her weight against the body of the other girl. As Johanna brought her lips back to Katniss's mouth they felt the ground beneath them begin to shake. A slow rumble that sounded like thunder came from overhead, a slight gust of wind that smelled of smoke filled the cabin. Johanna pulled away and went out the door. Above the trees she saw two Capitol hovercrafts whizzing by at a breakneck speed from the center of town. "Katniss something's wrong."

Katniss emerged from the cabin and looked up, seeing the trail between the clouds that the planes left. Just above their line of sight they saw gray smoke billowing into the sky. Katniss quickly shoveled dirt on to their fire as Johanna collected their things. They ran as fast as their legs could carry them back to the fence, which was now alive with electricity. "Shit."

Katniss looked up. "The tree. We can climb over it." Johanna scaled the tree with alarming rapidity, edging out onto the branch as carefully as she could. She moved down so her palms grasped the branch and then let go, falling into the few inches of snow that covered the ground. A pain shot through her ankle but she disregarded it as she waited for Katniss to do the same. She braced the other girl's fall and began running, albeit much slower now, toward the smoke. The smell of fire, fuel, and something like the smell Johanna's hair dryer made was in the air as they got closer to town. Screams were heard, the wail of sirens, the cries of children.

Once the reached the square, they both stopped dead in their tracks. The Hob, once bustling with citizens, was a smoldering pile of ruins. People with various stages of burn marks were shuffling away, coughing from the smoke. Soot and charcoal seemed to cover nearly everyone around, leaving only the wide whites of their eyes visible. Gale rushed toward the girls as they stood, mouths agape. "Where were you?" he screamed.

"What happened?" Johanna asked, deflecting his question.

"The Capitol," he replied somberly. "This was them. There was a whistling in the air, then all of a sudden, explosions." He looked around. "It seems like this was the only area they touched. Cray is nowhere to be found. I asked Madge and she said her father is on the phone with the Capitol but from what she gathered, they're acting as if one of us did this. Someone from Twelve, bombing the Hob." His voice was thick with disgust.

"To make a statement," Johanna interrupted. "They're going to pretend this is what revolution does. That we'll turn on each other." _Where words fail, actions speaks_. "How many people are...?"

Gale shook his head. "I don't know. The Peacekeepers are keeping everyone out." Johanna looked at Gale, whose eyes were still on the burnt ground beneath them. He was keeping something. Johanna stared hard at him until he spoke. "The last I saw of John he was trying to get people out of there. Then the second hovercraft came."

The world began to spin around Johanna's head. Why had she left? She was so goddamn stupid. All of this, all of her life, was spent protecting her siblings and now in the one moment they needed her, she had been gone. Chasing her own selfish desires out in the woods. Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched people continue to stumble out of the rubble, coughing and shaking. Many of them collapsing on the ground. A few of the healers from town, including Mrs. Everdeen and even Prim, began administering any aid they could. Johanna even saw a flash of Madge's blonde hair scurrying around. Peeta Mellark from the bakery was helping with his brothers to carry people toward the doctor, or at least away from the smoldering wood and cement.

Prim shrieked as Peeta pulled a blackened figure from underneath a large wooden piece of structure, and Johanna went limping toward her. Katniss wrapped her arm around her shoulder for support as the adrenaline that had prevented Johanna from feeling the definite sprain in her ankle began to subside. The figure coughed and spit black goo on to the ground, and Johanna fell to her knees beside him.

"John?" she questioned weakly, rubbing the dirt from his face with her scarf. She crumpled it and placed it below his head. His eyes blinked open and Johanna saw the brown irises focus on her. "John."

He coughed a few more times. Prim knelt beside him, using some water or some clear liquid to begin cleaning off his face. "He pulled out a bunch of people before the second bombing," Prim explained, a shake in her voice. His mouth kept moving to say something but Prim shook her head. "Don't speak. Save your voice. We have to get you home."

John shook his head and grabbed Johanna's hand with his soot-covered own. His eyes were wide and insistent. "The girls," he croaked out in a voice that made him sound one hundred and eleven years old. "I didn't find them."

The girls? Johanna's discombobulated mind couldn't put it together. What girls? Peeta came behind them with a makeshift stretcher and he and Gale slowly pulled John on to the white-clothed wooden board. Prim instructed them to bring him right to their house and Mrs. Everdeen would follow soon to assess any injuries he had. Parts of his clothes were torn or burnt, revealing pink angry skin and some gashes.

Johanna continued to sit on the ground. Her eyes met Katniss's, whose gray hues were filled with tears. She must've understood. The girls. The girls. Her sisters. Panic overtook her and she got up and hobbled toward the remains of the Hob, pushing large pieces of wood out of her way. "Celadine!" she screamed. "Aurelia!" There could be no answer. The Hob looked more like a tomb than a market now. A large chunk of someone's store sign fell in front of her, and the pile of rubble prevented her from going any further. She grabbed hot pieces of rubble and began tearing them away, searing her hands.

Two arms came from behind her and pulled her, and the pain of her injury and the overall wildness of her emotions made her unable to fight back. "Johanna you're going to get hurt," the shaky voice said, and Johanna vaguely realized it belonged to Katniss. The world slowly lost its color. The grayness of the clouds, the black smoke of the Hob, it soaked out all the color. Johanna closed her eyes and let the grief, and pain, overtake her.

Somewhere, lost in the smell of fire and burning flesh, Johanna smelled roses.

_And when the axe came into the woods, many of the trees said, 'At least the handle is one of us.'_

* * *

><p>A rebellious bombing was the official Capitol verdict. A tragic accident made by miners who were trying to blow up the new set of Peacekeepers who had come to shut down the Hob. The new head Peacekeeper, Romulus Thread, had ordered no memorial for the dead, as anyone in the Hob was committing treason against the Capitol. Many miners were executed for their "involvement" in the incident. No one dared speak of the planes they had all seen. No one dared say how no Peacekeepers were actually harmed, except for a few of the friendly ones like Darius. He was dead, too.<p>

The Hob was converted into new quarters for the Peacekeepers, whose numbers had tripled since the bombing. A curfew was strictly enforced, with any trespassers out after midnight subject to immediate whippings of over twenty lashes. The fence was electrified at all times. The home Johanna lived in was quiet.

John had recuperated from his wounds and was treated - secretly - as a hero in 12. He alone had dragged nearly twenty people from the smoking Hob before it collapsed, saving their lives, including even Greasy Sae and her granddaughter. But not the lives of the two he had gone in to save. Celadine and Aurelia were counted among the dead, though their bodies were never found. The bombings had incinerated nearly everyone inside beyond recognition. Johanna hadn't emerged from her bedroom in two months.

She barely ate, didn't speak. Sleep was so far beyond what she was capable that her skin had become an ashy pale, the purple bags under her eyes the only color she had. Katniss was by her side as often as possible, but Johanna was nearly impossible to reach. Almost everything she ate she threw up, her sleep was spotty and no doctor in Panem could figure out why she didn't speak. Selective mutism is what they called it, but it wasn't even selective. She didn't speak at all. Word of her loss had spread through the districts and flowers and cards from the Capitol came flowing in every day. Katniss threw out nearly everything.

Late one evening they sat in her bed, with Johanna curled into Katniss's side, unblinking and unmoving. The television suddenly switched on, and though Katniss tried repeatedly to turn it off, it was a mandatory broadcast. President Snow appeared on the screen, flanked by young boys in white and stood behind a large pillar. Johanna's gaze turned to the screen and she watched intently.

He went through the typical speech of the Dark Days, of the damage the districts did to one another during that time. Then, he says it. "On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors. Additionally, as a reminder that the bond of the Districts to the Capitol is stronger than that of blood or water, volunteers may only come from the family members of the victors. As every year before, victors are barred from volunteering, even for each other."

Katniss gasped. Johanna let out a high-pitched, hysterical, long peal of laughter. Long after the television had gone off, she continued to laugh. Her voice was so hoarse from not having been used, quickly she ran out of breath. She clutched her stomach, eyes tearing and little drops falling on the bed. The existing pool of victors. Their families. Pitting friends against friends. Family against family. No peace. Nothing. Just another date with death but this one, this one would stick.

"They can't do this," Katniss whispered, unable to stop the tears from falling. All of what they had worked for, what they had lost for, gone in a flash of smoke. She hated the Capitol. She hated President Snow. She felt a fire inside her unlike anything she had felt before, outside of being kissed by Johanna. But there were two different kinds of fire: one kindled by hatred, and one kindled by love. This was all the former.

Johanna looked up. "Of course they can," she said callously. "Don't you see? They can do anything and we can do nothing. We're just pawns. We think we have control over what happens in our lives, but we don't. The Capitol controls everything. Life, death, everything. Whatever illusion of control I thought I had is gone, Katniss. They've taken what I love from me, they might as well take my life, too."

But Katniss had promised to bring Johanna back to life, and part of that was keeping her alive. There had to be some benefit to being Gale's "cousin."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Welp that was a long one, but I wanted to get to the Quell in the next chapter. Thanks for your continued support. :)<p>

Special thanks for johannas-motivational-insults for beta-ing this chapter/story/being a soundboard and generally being rather awesome.


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